Stanley Tillman Obituary

I met Fr. Stanley at Colombiere as a volunteer and happened to come across this guest book right now, 6 years later. I would to sign this guest book to pay tribute to a dear friend who was a friend to so many in his many years as a Jesuit. He enjoyed fellowship with others, and had a laugh that outmatched others. He had a great sense of humor, and always laughed at his own jokes. He was a funny man, and often the life of the table at Colombiere. Everyone wanted to sit at Fr. Stan's table, volunteers. You were sure to leave a better, happier person. I remember talking with him about my worries and tribulations, and always told me to have a goal and to trust in God and helped me to see the fog of my problems. He was a consoler to many and as those above have written. He was a loving priest. I remember when he used to say Mass, struggling to walk with his cane in the Sacred Heart Chapel at Colombiere. He was a faithful priest and Jesuit to the end. I pray for his repose and trust in God's Mercy that he is praying for us so that someday we may join him in celebrating the joys of Heaven loving the Father as he did throughout his life and service as a Jesuit. You are greatly missed, but we know you are with us more now that you are with God. Fr. Stan pray for us all. May your soul and the soul of all the faithfully departed rest in peace!

No words can possibly express my gratitude to God for the 30 years of having Fr. Stan as my best friend. Of course I am saddened by his passing, dealing with my human selfishness of not having him around to love and enjoy. Yet, I know he has gone home to a better place to see old friends, hear familiar voices again, meet new intimate friends like Mary, the saints like St. Ignatius and above all, God himself, the brilliant, eternal light of heaven, the reason for all happiness. For this we must celebrate!



Fr. Stan has truly been my pillar of faith. He molded my spirituality from the tiny seed that God had planted in my heart. He showed me how to Love unconditionally like Jesus loved. I always saw the Face of Jesus when I was with Stan. He is my hero. My rock. He has always been here for me. And will be forever.



I met Fr. Stan when I was a “wandering” freshman at Xavier University in 1972. Stan was my metaphysics professor. We both lived in Husman Hall. The first of many significant spiritual involvements in my life that Stan had an amazing impact with was in 1973, when my uncle Mac, who was like a father to me, passed away. Stan spent numerous hours talking and praying with me, working me through my loss and for the first time showing me the true meaning of life in God.



As time passed and our friendship grew. Fr. Stan walked me through the Catholic Catechism and St Luke’s Gospel and eventually brought me into and confirmed me into the Catholic faith. He later gave Debbie and me pre-marital preparation and in 1976, performed our marriage ceremony in Detroit. About four years later while visiting us in Detroit, Fr. Stan referred us to Fr. Jack Schuett at Manrisa for counseling. Fr. Jack course corrected some issues in our marriage path and we have now been blessed with 25 years of marriage thanks to Fr. Jack and Fr. Stan.



Fr. Stan baptized two of our three daughters, Natalie and Meredith. He was in Rome when Rachel was Baptized, but a few years later, he gave Rachel her first Communion, while we were visiting him at St. Gregory’s in Barborville, Ky.

Our family was especially blessed this past summer when Fr. Stan celebrated Mass at Colombiere with our family and renewed Debbie’s and my wedding vows twenty-five years, to the day, later than he married us originally, May 27,1977.

Mingled through all these significant events in our lives that Fr. Stan influenced, we were blessed with many more wonderful memories of time spent with him. We visited Barborville to see him on two occasions. He frequently visited our home here in Detroit while he was here on priestly business, perhaps while visiting his nephew and his family or while passing through on his way to Omena. We had many beautiful times. He especially enjoyed time spent with my wife’s parents, Siro and Janet Costantini, especially when Siro made his famous Zinfandel wine. Stan always seemed to show up, not only when the grapes were being mashed, but more importantly, when Siro popped the cork the first time, usually around Easter just for a “sip” or two or three…. Fr. Stan baptized our niece, Gabriella, the daughter of Deb’s brother Michael Costantini and his wife Mitza. Stan had become very close to their family also.



I asked my family what we will miss most about Stan. We came up with the following:

-His unconditional LOVE

-His laughter

-His honesty and telling it like he saw it

-His wit, sometimes sarcastic but fun sense of humor

-His love of life

-His strength and endurance through life’s challenges

-Our intimate talks on life and its meaning

-The tears we shed together

-The bear hugs he gave

-Our holiday and family gatherings that Stan always made so perfect

-Our visits and walks at Colombiere

-His compassion for all people

-How safe I felt when I was around him

-His comfort

-His contagious spirituality

-His gratitude for our friendship

-His love of God and how he loved to say mass so beautifully



Christ came to me through Fr. Stan.



Fr. John Powell, SJ, in his book, The Secret of Staying in Love, helps describe my friendship with Fr. Stan by stating– “I think that relatively few friendships accomplish the kind of freeing, spontaneous and reassuring atmosphere necessary for the release of subconscious burdens. But the best advise is still and will always be, to find a good friend and confidant. Find a person who accepts you in your ups and downs, and who will not hold you responsible to the logistical rules of coherence in your communication. Your friend’s greatest contribution and assistance will be to help you find and face the truth about yourself.” Stan did this.



CS Lewis helps me see that Stan was a gift from God to me by stating in his book, The Four Loves: “For a Christian, there are no chances. A secret master of ceremonies has been at work. Christ, who said to the disciples, “You have not chosen me, but I have chosen you for one another.” A friendship is not a reward for our discrimination and good taste in finding another out. It is the instrument by which God reveals to each the beauties of all the others. They are no greater than the beauties of a thousand other men; by friendship God opens our eyes to them. They are, like all beauties, derived from Him, and then, in a good Friendship, increased by Him through the friendship itself, so that it is His instrument for creating as well as for revealing. At this feast it is He who has chosen the guests. It is He, we may dare to hope, who sometimes does, and always should, preside. Let us not reckon without our Host.”



Victor Frankle, from his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, helps me understand even more what a gift from God Fr. Stan has been to us, - “A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life, I saw the truth as it is set into song by the poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth—that love is the ultimate and highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: the salvation of man is through love and in love.” Stan is Love.



M. Scott Peck defined Love as - “The will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth.” Fr. Stan blessed me by forming my faith.



So, what does this all mean? Stan is Love. He represented Jesus’ love perfectly well while here on earth. And he will continue that roll. He will be missed physically, but I know he is absolutely still her spiritually. Stan is too stubborn to just leave us. He is and will always be in our hearts, our thoughts, our memories and our prayers. Jesus has a lot more work for him to do.



I pray that Fr. Stan is resting with Jesus and that he continues to bless all those he has touched throughout his magnificent life.



Thank you my friend and I look forward to meeting with you again someday!



With love forever,

Jeff Spencer, Debbie Spencer, Natalie Spencer, Rachel Spencer, Meredith Spencer

Siro Costantini, Janet Costantini, Michael Costantini, Mitza Costantini, Gabriela Costantini, Mikey Costantini, Danny Costantini, Jacob Costantini, Rina Costantini

We remember Stanley, Carl and Ruth Ann gowing up together in S. Newpor Ky and St. Vincent de Paul Chuch and School..The Morans were close friends of the family . Requiescat in Pace......

My fondest memory in the life of Stan occured sometime in the mid 30's. My sister and I, ages about 10 & 12, went door to door through the whole east end of Newport, Ky.,selling chances on embroideried pillow cases,of which we carried a sample with us. I don't remember how many days it took us. All we knew was that all the profits of this raffle went to the Jesuit order, which our cousin Stan Tillman was part of. As I remember it, we didn't get paid, and didn't gripe. As our mom told us "we were doing it for the Lord"

Stan was a humble man. After his assignment in Barberville, my wife and I would visit with him many times on our way home from visiting with Sr. Sebastien in Harlan. On one of our early stops, he startled me by asking me if I would teach him something. I was floored. What could I teach a man of his briliance? Then he asked if I would teach him how to help one of his parishioners through the annulment process. He went on to say that in all his studies, he didn't have anything on annulments. I best mention here that, although I'm only a high school graduate from St.X in Cincinnati, as a Permanent Deacon, I have attained a position of Procurator/Advocate in the Archdiocese of Cincinnati and Diocese of Covington, Ky. My wife and I work together on annulment cases, so we walked Stan through the case with his parishioner to an affirmative conclusion. His asking me to help him caused me to have so much more respect for him. He was one great guy.

The Chicago Province of the Society of Jesus remembers Stan Tillman with affection for his 70 years of service and is grateful to the many friends and benefactors who helped make that service possible.