Jeremy Nawracaj Obituary

Happy birthday my son. I can hardly believe you would have been 35 today. It is just as hard today as it has been every year since you passed. I have not talked to you hear for a very long time. I just still have such a hard time writing to you. We almost lost dad a couple of weeks ago due to his diabetes. But i assumed you weren't quite ready for him yet. You have a beautiful niece. Kyleigh Madison. She looks like you. You would love her to pieces. She has helped your dad and I keep going. We think all the time of the beautiful children you would have had. The greatest life. I am so sorry it was ripped away from you. So many in the family have departed us. Your cousin Bill, Grandma, Trish, Ardis, Uncle Wally. I am working from home now. It has been quite a challenge to be in your room every day. Today is extremely difficult. Allison misses you so much. I will try to be more on top of talking to you this way. Your friends are doing well. They think of you often. I hope things are better for you now because more of your family are joining you. I bet you and grandma are having the time of your life. Don't let her teach you bad habits. I love you as much as I did at 555 pm on 12/29/1983 as I do now. I miss you beyond words and my heart has never stopped hurting. The dr wants me to have a heart transplant but Bill was waiting for on and he never lived long enough to receive one. He was around 28. So, I will not apply for one. I was someone younger and who has their whole life to look forward to. I love you my son. Mom

Hi Jeremy. Grandma just passed away, but I know you were there with Grandpa to greet her with open arms. I know have another Angel upon me. Please take care of her as you take care of mom, dad, and I. I think of you daily and you provide me with the courage and determination to keep going and keep achieving. I love you and miss you more than you know. Please do me a favor and beat Grandma at a hand of poker. I never could! Love you!

My son. I have tried many times to write. I still after all these years just cry with pain. You just had your 29th birthday. My cousin Monte just passed away last week. Please help guide him in heaven. Your dad almost came to join you a couple of weeks ago. Allison and I had to rush him to the hospital. He was so close to being with you. But the strange thing was the first person to come in after you got settled into the ER was a fine young man named Jeremy. He had your hair style and your same gotee. Allison and I swear it was you coming to tell us that you weren't ready for him yet. I wish so much to laugh with you and celebrate your golden birthday with you. Again I just have to settle for my whispers to you. Please help your sister and her husband. They could use some guidence. I want you always remember just how much you are loved and missed. Love, Mom

Happy 28th birthday to you my Jeremy. It is exactly to the minute 28 years ago that you became the joy of my life. We struggled thru another miserable holiday season. It is so hard just going thru the motions of having nice holidays. If it weren't for Allison, the days would just blend one into another. You will be so proud of Allison. She will be graduating with her masters Jan 26. I am so very proud of her. I see some of your friends once in a great while. They still can't believe you are not here. It is nice to know you are still thought about with such fondness. You are my heart and no one will ever understand just how much we hurt inside. See you soon perhaps. I need a hug so bad. And I want to see your smililng face with "hi mom". My love to you on your birthday.

Mary, it was great running into you yesterday. I know this time of year is extremely hard for you but know that you are not alone. On your darkest days, know that I and many others are thinking about you, Henry, Alison and Jeremy. You raised a wonderful son and we lost a great young man almost 7 years ago. Jeremy was a fantastic friend and it is one of my greatest regrets that we lost contact. Jeremy touched so many people with his thoughtfullness, demeanour and the way he generally lived life to the fullest. If you ever need anything, please let me know.

Take Care!

Ben Chorlton

P.S. - My family and I will be back to visit in the near future.

Hi Jeremy,
Its been a long time since I've written, but I think of you everyday, several times a day. I've been missing you a lot lately. I just heard the song of Josh Groban "You raise me up". That song gets me every time. They played it my highschool graduation, so that would be the last song you and I heard together. That just makes me sad.
I'm in grad school now and its really difficult. Its in a accelerated program so its more fast paced. I wish you were here to help me because you were so smart. But instead I'm going to try and be the leader I know you would have been.
I love you and miss you.
Allison

My Jeremy. It has been a long hot summer and now the fall is here. Leaves are falling and changing to very bright colors. Another holiday season coming up and this will probably be the hardest one of all. Allison and Shakil will not be around and you won't either. Dad seems to feeling ok. He is getting old now. He seems to have aged a lot since you passed away. Allison and Shakil now have their own apartment and they have a kitty named scamp. He bites and scratches all the time. I am missing you so much. Your smile and laugh. I just can't wait till I will be able to see it again. Oh yes. And Allison has started grad school. She is going to try and get her masters in leadership and management. She wants to make you proud of her because she knows that you would have your masters already. You would probably have been doing so well in a job and married with children. That is something I will never get to be is a grandmother of a grandchild that I could spoil. So I just continue to remember all the wonderful times we had together. And think someday I will have that again with my son. Love with all of my heart. Mom

Today is the Feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus. I was at mass today and suddenly Jeremy came into my mind, 6yrs since his passing. That bond between a mother and son can never be broken. I felt compelled to offer the mass for Jeremy and the family. Jeremy is safe in Jesus' loving arms. "The Lord is my Shepard and I shall not want." Psalm 23. Just remember that the Virgin Mary will show the way, for Jesus, her only son was taken from her and caused her much suffering and sorrow.
Love you all.

My Jeremy. Today you have been gone for 6 years. It rained almost all day. It is now almost to the minute you collapsed in the street. I am sitting here with the candles on. It is still just like it was only yesterday that you were taken from our lives. Our hearts are broken and they will remain that way. I need a hug so much. Dad was crying this morning when I came down. Me I have been crying most of the day. There will never be closure of that day. Probably because we never had the chance to say goodbye to our son and brother. Allison has been so emotional lately. Her husband has been trying to help. I just wish I knew where you were and if you are happy where you are. Six years later and there is still no understanding why it had to be you. What the purpose was. There is just so much you have been missing. Mother's day was horrible. And now Father's day is just around the corner. It just does not get any easier. The hearts that are broken is something that time will not heal. We miss you every day and every minute. My son, you are my heart. I love you. Mom

My son. This again is the time of the year that it gets very painful. I just had my birthday and grandma is 80 now. We had a little party for her. Again, you were the only one not there and was horribly missed. People keep asking about you and I guess I am still now strong emough to deal with that. Mother's day is coming up and then all the memories will start coming. I still cry so much and miss you so much more. We try to make life normal but it just never will be again. All my love my Jeremy MOM

My Jeremy. I guess you weren't ready for me yet. I had the heart surgery on Thursday and everything went fine. I now have a difibultor implanted. It is very painful but I am just trying to rest. Now my heart beats a little more regular. We are getting ready for grandma's 80th birthday. Dad sat at the hospital all day into the evening with me. I tried to get him to go home but you know how stubborn he can be. I actually felt good after the surgery. I came home yesterday and I think I did too much and now I am paying the price. I made one of your favorite meals today. Corned beef and cabbage. Dad actually helped me. We talked about you all the while we ate. It is so hard. The mood changes then and it gets tense. That is because we miss you so so much. Happy St. Pat's day. Maybe you can see him in heaven. Love with all my heart. Mom

My Son. I know it has been a long time again since I have written to you. It is just so hard. We just went thru the holidays and your birthday again. It just never gets any easier. I am going in for heart surgery next week. I guess you just aren't ready for me yet. Grandma is doing well after hers. But then you know that she has never been one to be down for long. Allison and Shakil are doing ok. They are busy working. Dad is plugging away. I know he misses you so much. We light the candle every night for you. Spring is starting to slowly come. So much snow this year. But not as bad as the east. You have been smiling down. I miss you so much. It doesn't get any easier. Still so much pain and tears when I think about you. I try so hard to remember all of the fun times we had and how blessed I am to have had a little time with my son. I just does not make up that horrible time. I love you my son. Mom

My son. Well, another thanksgiving has gone by and we are now on to Christmas and your 27th birthday. It has been 5 years and I still hate this time of the year. My heart misses you so much. Time passes still so slowly for me. Grandma is going in for heart surgery on Wednesday. They are going to repair some valves. Funny, that is what you needed. But she is strong so I am sure that she will be ok. Allison started a new job today. She will miss the airlines. We aren't doing much again for this holiday. Just quiet. I have your box all decorated for Christmas. I just wish you were here so I could see that beautiful smile. I miss that so much. I get young men into the restaurant once in awhile that remind me so much of you and your mannerisms. You are never very far from our hearts. I have turned your bedroom into my office. This is a big step for me. Took me 5 years to go into your room. Everything is still the same. I sometimes lay in your bed and just hug the shirt that torn to shreds from the paramedics working on you and the pillow your head was on that night in the hospital. I just lay there and cry my eyes out. I am trying to hold out hope that I will be with you again my son. Please remember always where ever you are that you are loved and missed so much. Love, Mom

It is the day before thanksgiving, and I've been thinking a lot about you lately. I'm thankful that I had a friend like you, even if only for a few years. I still miss you, but there are times when I'm going about my everyday life and a funny thought pops in my head that is something only you would say, and I know you're still there... somewhere... and I realize that there's nothing to be sad about. Happy Thanksgiving Jer Jer!

My Son. It has been so long since I have written. The last 3 times haven't gone through so I hope this one does. I am missing you more and more each passing day. You are on my mind continuously. I have been trying to go through some of the things in your room. But I guess it still isn't the right time. I just lay on your bed and hug the shredded top you were wearing that night. My heart hurts still so much even though it has been 5 years. Time hasn't done much to ease the pain. Allison is doing good. I worry about her heart. It hasn't been working the best either. There are no plans for any kids yet with her and Shakil. David's little Emma just turned 1 last month. We were just told that his wife has pancreatic cancer and has been given less then a year to live. Same thing as Uncle Adam. We are losing everyone so young is this family. Grandma is also not doing too well. She has to stay in bed now all the time. That alone must be driving her crazy. Dad is going along. We just went to the fair. He is getting old and is slowing down. We spent much of the time sitting down. I had a nice talk with Amber the other day. She is teaching this year. She is teaching a 20 child class of all 3 year olds. She is the right person for that task. You did so good for her in helping her get thru all of those classes. Just always know that you are my heart and my love for my Jeremy is never ending. I look forward to the day when I can hug you and then I will not have to see you go again from me. Your loving mom.

My beloved son. It has been so long since I have written. So much has happend. Allison and Shakil got married on New Years Eve. She looked so beautiful. You were the missing link. We were all so sad not having you standing up for her. Shakil is still waiting for his work authorization papers. It is taking forever. I lost my job in February. That has really taken its toll on the family. Allison lost her job the same month. But happily, she got another job a couple of weeks ago. Working for AirTran airways. You know how she loves to travel. Grandma is still doing ok. We are going to see her later today. Dad is fine. He isn't working much either. That makes him very hard to live with. Brianne got married last month. It was a very nice wedding and reception. Ripley had to be put to sleep in February. Cancer started eating him up. That was very hard for grandma. She loved that dog and he kept her company since dad has been gone. I just had another birthday with out you. And mother's day is next week. i so hate that day. It has been almost 5 years since that horrible time. It still haunts my every move. It will always be so fresh. The pain in my heart from it breaking is still there. Seems like yesterday. I guess it always will. I love you and miss you with all of my heart. Mom

My son. We are at the worst time of the year again. The holidays. Happy birthday my Jeremy. You would have been 25 yesterday. I had a very hard time getting through it. Christmas was very sad for me. It was the first time we celebrated as a family but there is always this huge piece missing. You are so missed. It never does get any easier. Allison is getting married tomorrow. You will miss seeing her look so beautiful and so happy to be marrying the man she loves. Auntie Jean also died on Saturday. Please look for her. I am sure that dad will be happy to finally see her again. It is snowing very hard today. It really has been a miserable december. So cold and so snowy. I had my shoulder surgery done finally. The doctors kept cancelling it because of my heart. But finally it worked. I miss you so much. Shakil is trying very hard to make things easier for my. I really appreciate all of his efforts. At least all the stress of his trying to get here finally worked. I know that you helped him so Allison could finally be happy again. I will write again soon. I have to get back to work. I love you my son with all of my heart. Mom

Happy Birthday Jeremy! I wish you were here to celebrate it =( We will try and celebrate it as best as we can. Also, I get married on Wednesday. It will be a bitter sweet day. It will be bitter because you won't get to be here to see me and help walk me down the aisle with dad. I know you will be watching up above though. Christmas was alright this year. It was nice to celebrate it as a family again. I did miss getting you hit with the wrapping paper though... So instead I attacked Shakil =) We wish you were here and we all really miss you! Love you!

Allison

My son. Here we go again with the holidays. Thanksgiving was yesterday. It was very quite. I decorated your box for the holidays. I also decorated your corner. Allison is still waiting for Shakil to get here. This is really a complicated procedure. Grandma is doing good. I will be having surgery on my shoulder finally next week. I have been working many hours. It is just so hard for me to stay home. We miss you so much. My heart is broken. It will always be in pain and your place is empty. Oh yes, you are also an uncle. David and Cary had a baby in August and got married on Halloween. They are very happy. Her name is Emma. I haven't been able to see the little thing yet. That also makes me sad. I had the life scared out of me the other day. I came face to face with Chad. He looks good Jeremy. You did a wonderful job protecting him. He is out of the marines now. He is going to school. But your job isn't over. He also signed up for the National Guard. So that means he could go back over there. Things are such a mess over there. Allison is working full time since September, she loves her job. Thats good. Dad is doing good. I just hate this time of the year. It is so hard to believe that you would have been 25 in just 4 more weeks. Allison and I decorated the tree for the 1st time since you died. That was very hard for us. All of your special ornaments are on the tree. We would have done nothing again this year but we are hoping that Shakil finally gets here. So, she wanted to be ready for him. I love you my son. Every day brings us closer to you. I hope you are able to be with grandpa. Love for always. Mom

Hi Jeremy! Happy Thanksgiving! I miss you a lot. We just put up the christmas tree for the first time since you've been gone. I was excited, but it was tough work doing it without you. Normally you helped me lug up all the boxes from downstairs. I got stuck doing the lights :D but you did a good job picking them out =)

The only reason I felt like decorating this year was because I am hoping that Shakil will be here and that will make it easier. It will be strange to open presents without you and Amber around, but at least we have you next to us with your candle shining bright! Please make a wish that Shakil will be here for the holidays! That will make it a little easier. He's always happy, which makes me very happy. I know you would have really liked him! He's a good guy =)

I hope that we are getting married soon. And when I get married I will have a picture with you in my bouquet so in a way you'll be walking me down the aisle along with dad.
Well I miss you and I will write to you soon!

Love you,
Allison

My son. I am sitting here missing you so much. It has been 4 very long painful years since you were taken from me. There is nothing that hurts more for a mom then to have her precious child gone. You will forever be 20 yrs old in my mind and heart. It has been long sine I have written. Please don't think it is because I have forgotten. I have written a few times but they don't get on here for what ever reason. That is extremely irritating. So much has happened that you have missed. Your face is still everywhere. I would give anything in this world to hear "hi mom" one more time. I have tried so hard to be strong for you. It has taken such a toll on your dad and I. Allison is happy though. She is getting married in November to a wonderful young man. David is getting ready to be a father soon. People say that time heals and it will all become a distant memory. Not so. I am sure you remember Allison's friend Sarah from high school. She lost her 20 yr old brother ironically, June 7. One day before you 4 years later. I am so sad for that family. I know what it is going to be like now. Through this, it is the only way I can express my pain in missing you. Grandma is going along. Not much change there. I promise I will try to write more often. I have sat down and started to talk to you but it gets still so hard. I just break down. Always remember you are my heart. I love you my Jeremy. Mom

Hi Jeremy! I am very sorry that I haven't written to you in such a long time, but you know I think about you a lot everyday. As you know already, I graduate in a week! I know you will be watching me, but I wish you would be there next to Mom and Dad and Grandma. I included you in a thank you note that will be in the graduation program just to say thank you for always being a great brother! I love you and I miss you very much everyday! Also, please keep Sarah's brother Ryan close to you, he really needs strength and thats something you've always had!
Love,
Allison

Hello Uncle Jeremy sounds good doesn't it. I am sorry I have not written in a while I just did not know what to say over the past year there has been so many changes in my life and I firmly believe you had a hand in that happening. as you probably did not know Liz and I have divorced and I know you liked her but I just could not be happy with her. So I know you remeber Karey from lombard. She has made me happier than I have ever been! She is getting close to having our little girl who whe have come up with a name and I know you would like it her name is Emma Nicole Koczur. I know you will be there to make sure Karey and the baby will be ok and make sure I am ok. I am so nervous about being in the delivery room but I also know that it is a amazing momment I cannot wait until she comes into the world. I will deffinatly make sure she knows who is her uncle Jeremy and I also miss you Jeremy and I will always love you I will talk to you later

Dave

Jeremy, I know we weren't close friends in school but I will always remember you. You were one of the nicest people from school and I feel blessed that I was able to know you. I remember one time, I think it was in 6th grade, we were working on a project and got off topic when we started talking about Star Trek. I pass by that corner so many times and I want you to know that I will pray for you and your family every time I pass it. Forever missed, never forgotten.

My son. I have been thinking of you a lot lately. It has been a long and cold winter. I am really getting sick of it. Allison is getting ready to graduate in a couple of months and then she will be getting married in November. I could no longer stand being home at night or weekends because you are everywhere in the house so I went and got a part time job. I work in a restaurant right next door to where I am now. So it is convenient. But I am working with young kids and one in particular reminds me of you. Only you weren't so much of a partier. It is hard working with him because i think of you so much and then I start to miss you so much more. I love you my son. Dad is doing ok. He has gotten a couple of days overtime. But mostly he is home. He misses you so much. You can see it everytime people send you mail. I am having some issues with my heart but working on getting it fixed. If not, then perhaps I will see you sooner. Who knows. I love you with all of my heart. Mom

My Jeremy. Today would have been your 24th birthday. It has been a very hard day for us. Monday, I have to have heart surgery. Please be with me while that is being done. As much as I want to be with you again. I can't leave Allison. Not yet. It has been snowing a lot this year and I am getting so sick of it. Your dad has been home now for a couple of weeks. He finally is working a couple of days this week. That has been so hard on the finances. I went to the corner today and let off 24 balloons for you birthday. I think the people thought I was a little crazy. But I don't care. I was hoping one would make it to you. I have been playing the cd of your phone message that I had someone make for me. It isn't much but at least I get to hear your voice. Sometimes, I can't hear it any more and that makes me nuts. I don't ever want to forget that. Just like the last conversation we had just before you died on that horrible night. I will never ever forget that night. I play it over and over in my head everytime I go to bed. I love you and miss you with all of my heart. Please be with me on monday. I am scared. Love Mom

My son. It is now christmas day. Another horrible year. Your 24th birthday is coming up in 4 days. With the holidays, it is so hard to write to you. I promise I will be better about it. It was a very lonely christmas this year. Your sister is in London with her fiance Shakil. They have chosen the wedding date of Nov 8, 2008. They are getting married at the Paris hotel. Your picture will be with her as she walks down the isle. That makes me happy. So with out you and Allison this year, it has been so hard for us. We went to grandma's last night and Val's today. I really just wanted to stay home and be with you. And, David is going to be a father. He is getting married to someone he has known for a very long time and if you think back, you would remember her as well. Her name is Karrie. Yes, from the old neighborhood. It was snowing today. Made for the perfect white christmas. Just like on the cards. You are missed so much. I was watching your dad. He was having a hard time this year again. I tried to not go to crazy, but I have to tell you, I am on the verge. I miss your sweet smiles and great big hugs. The pranks you used to do to me. Everything. You were the light in my eyes and so much happiness in my heart. Since you have been gone. There is only half of me left and I know that I will never get it back. I will never be completely whole again. Shakil is trying so hard to help fill the whole that was left after you left. I thank him for that. But there still is only one Jeremy. But, he is helping me cope and I desparately need that. Merry Christmas my little guy. I love you so much. Mom

hi i was wonderind if we could be a family related?:)my name is marcin nawracaj i live in chicago :)please let me know :)

My Son. Happy Thanksgiving to you. It has been a very quiet one here. Dad and Allison and just stayed home and I made dinner. The empty chair at the table just doesn't help with the lonliness we all feel and the empty presence we feel. We miss you so much. We are now going into the toughest time of the year with the holidays and your birthday. Allison will be in england for christmas and your birthday and new years this year. She is going to celebrate with Shakil. They have been busy making wedding plans. She is talking about having a picture woven into her bouquet. That day will be such a happy day as I am gaining another son. But my heart will be broken a the same time because you should be there seeing her get married and you won't be. I am so thankful that I had you with me for 20 yrs. But we have missed so much since you left. I can't wait till we can be together again. I long to hear your voice and have a big hug. I love you my Jeremy. I will talk to you again soon. Love Mom

My Jeremy. I have written every month but for some reason they don't show up. It is fall now and the leaves are off the trees. The holidays are coming again. I hate them so much. Your birthday is coming up. You would have been 24 this year. Your dad and I have been struggling and trying to cope with you leaving. It doesn't get any easier. I finally got so bad that I had to admit that I needed help so the doctor has been trying to help me climb out of the depression I sunk so deep into. I have some good news. I just was told today that your sister is engaged. You would really like him a lot. He will be coming here from England. It will be very hard to have this wedding without you. As we never got to see you have the joy Allison is having now. I know that you will be there with her. Mom Loves you with all of my heart. Allison's fiance is trying to help my heart heal but the hole there will truly never go away. I miss you my son. Love Mom

Hey Jeremy, I was just studying for class and taking a notes on a notebook, then all of a sudden I came across a note you left for dad. You said you were going out for coffee with Chad and would be back soon. I saw that and could not study anymore. I was so shocked, and then I got really sad. I have had a few dreams of you recently, where we have been talking. I must have been really missing you and wanting to talk to you. I really hate having to dream of that though, I wish it could be like it use to be. Anyways, I have been really busy with my last year of college and trying to juggle 2 jobs... Not an easy thing. I hope you are proud of me, I have worked really hard. I wish I could have seen you graduate or follow you through college as my example. Now I have to lead through everything on my own. I am going to try and get some sleep. I love you and will write to you soon!!!

My Jeremy. I was just here alone tonight and was thinking a lot about you. Allison just had her 21st birthday on the 4th of July. I tried so hard to give her the day she wanted. It wasn't really good for her I don't think. Usually some of your friends stop by. We didn't hear from anyone this year. So, I think people are forgetting now. But not your mom. I will always be here for you. I have no idea exactly what will happen when Allison leaves. I think I will fade to you. My heart will be completely broken then. I will never come to terms with your loss. She is looking so forward to starting her life. I am trying to be happy about that. I miss you Jeremy. Every day more and more. It gets harder to write to you because it hurts so much. But I will keep on. It is the only way I have left to talk to you. I just wish I could hear your voice again. Sometimes, I try to recall the sound of your voice and it doesn't come to me. But then, those last 3 weeks of your like haunt me day and night. I do not slee much. Those days just replay in my mind over and over again. My son. I love you with all of my heart. Love Mom

My son. I have been wanting to write for awhile but have not been able to bring myself to do it. Things are so different here since you died. I just can't seem to bring back the old life. I don't want to be here anymore. Everyday that you are gone, I want more and more to be with you. I love you so much my Jeremy. Your dad misses you so much as well. Allison's boyfriend, Shakil has been so nice to me. He has tried to help me make peace with your passing. You would like him. He reminds me so much of you. Allison is going to be 21 on the 4th of July. It is so hard to see that come. We never got to celebrate that mile stone with you. Allison is so missing her boyfriend and you. This will be a bittersweet birthday. This should be the best one, but we just can't seem to get really excited about it. You are missed so. I just can't believe that you have been gone for 3 years. I just am having such a hard time pulling myself up and accepting that you are never coming back to me. It seems to be not something that I can rationalize in my mind and heart. I still sometimes find myself turing to talk to you and you are not there. It is like getting kicked in the chest all over again. Sometimes I think I am going insane. I can't be the only mother that is like this after losing a part of her. I love you my son. And I miss you every minute of every day. Mom

My Jeremy. Well, today it has been 3 years since you left us. There is such a hole that has not been able to be filled. The pain is still so raw. Allison is in London with her boyfriend and looking at colleges for her master's program. She will be going to St Paul's cathedral and lighting candles for you. So, I have none of my children with me. It took every ounce of strength to even get out of bed today. I will be going to the corner and letting balloons go for you. I don't know if your friends will come. Steve and Danny have come by every year. They are the two that still remember you and this horrible day 3 years ago. I am sure this day is hurting your dad. He is home alone this morning so I am sure he is having a most difficult time. Especially with father's day next week. I am still seeing that it is not getting any easier to be with out you. Your death has caused the breaking of my heart and it will never be healed. You are my heart. I love you my Jeremy. I will see you soon. Love Mom

Hey bro, it's been 3 years today since we lost you and I graduated. That wasn't a good day from the start when I woke up and Nathan broke up with me. You were trying to be there for me, but I wouldn't let you. We continued to enjoy ourselves at the graduation ceremony, where I got to spend some time with you and take pictures. That was a great night getting to spend with you. I missed you so much since you started college. We got so close in highschool, then you left for your first year to Stout. I missed you so much!!! I was very excited when you came home for home cooked meals. Anyways the dinner table sits empty without you and I still wait for you to bug me in my room. When I go to the computer I always expect you to swing around in your chair and smile at me. You have no idea how much I miss you and everyone else. You provided so much entertainment and knew how to make everyone smile. You knew exactly what to do to drive me nuts or scare me crazy. You are my big brother and I miss you so much. Currently I'm in London visiting my Shakil and checking on Graduate schools. This is a place I want to live, and I know how much you wanted to come to England. I know you are walking with me every step of the way while I'm here and I hope you are enjoying that time. I want to do something nice for you here, but I don't know what I should do. I sat in your room the day before I left on the trip missing you so much. Your room was left exactly how it was when you moved back home. Still smells the same, but is empty of you. I had a weird dream that I had my 21st birtday party at MBA and everyone I missed in my life was at the party except for you and grandpa. It was sad because the two people I wanted to come most, couldn't! I also want to go back skating, but I won't because you aren't here. I know you didn't enjoy me skating, but it was my passion and now for some reason since you died I can't find that passion anymore. I miss you so much!!!! I am going to St. Paul's Cathedral today to lite a candle for you. I love you!

My Jeremy. Today is Mother's day. It was 3 years ago that I first took you for help. Who would have thought with that trip you wouldn't be here and life as we know it would change in the most horrible way. I don't understand why after all the stress, I am still here. I want to be with you so much. I just ache for the day to come. I guess you are waiting until I get Allison all settled in her life and then I will be free to be with you. I really am trying. Every day it gets harder for me. I long for the peace and quiet we used to have. There is none of that now. My heart misses you more than words can say. It is so hard living with your dad. He hurts so much but will never speak of it. I would give everything to gain the peace again. I love you my son. The next few weeks are again the worst. Allison is finally finished with her 3rd year of college. Perhaps she will be the one to make it to the end. I am so very proud of her. She is the only thing that keeps me going. I know I am very short tempered with her as well. I pray every day for my sanity to return. People think life should just go on. It just doesn't work that way for the one's that have lost their heart and soul. you are my shining star. I love you my son. Mom

Hey Bro, I have not written in a really long time. But you know that I think about you everyday and always will! I have been really busy with school and work and trying to keep busy with friends. Busy is the only way for me to go, when I'm not busy I sit and think and thats not a good thing. I'm excited I only have one more of year of college left. That hardwork will pay off soon! I will write again soon, I love you and miss you so much! The memories we've had keep me smiling!!!

My Jeremy. Mother's day is next sunday. I already can't stand the thought of it. Allison is stressed out with the end of school and is getting excited to see her boyfriend again in London. She will be in London for the anniversary of your death. I have no idea how I am going to get through it this year. I try so hard to get through each day. I find that it is getting so much harder. I miss you so much more every day. People that said time would heal my heart are so wrong. It dies a litte more every day. I know that it is hard for your dad as well. I see him. He is sick of living as well. He has to take so much medicine to keep him going. Grandma is going along. I haven't heard from Amber in a long time. I miss her so much. I hope she is happy now. She seems to love her job and her new home. All the spring flowers are up now. I just wish the flowers you spent so much time planting for me would still come up. That was such a nice surprise for me. I love you my son. You are and always will be my heart. Mom

My son. Well, I made it through my birthday. Now we have mother's day coming up. I am crying so much more all the time. I really think it is finally coming to head. I just really can't stand life much any more. Allison is talking more and more about moving to London to go to grad school. She has registered for her final year of college. Can you believe that you will be gone for 3 years coming June 8. These have been the most horrible years for all of us. I think that is why she wants so much to leave here. I changed the flowers at the corner now. They are for spring and summer. I was there on my birthday and did that and while I was there, Allison's new boyfriend from England called and we had a wonderful conversation. You would like him. He is just like you. Wants to do the same things you were looking at doing for a career. Only he lives in London and doesn't want to come here to live. I have to go now. I am at work. Your dad doesn't hardly work any more so I never have the chance to be alone any more for the peace and quiet to write. I will again soon. I love you with all of my heart. The horrors of that night are coming again. Mom

My Jeremy. Happy Easter. Tomorrow is Easter sunday. It will again be another terribly hard day. This is a horrible time of the year. Easter, my birthday, mother's day and then your passing anniversary. All this in just 3 months. Your dad and I will be spending Easter here at home. Allison is in London. She is coming home on Monday. I do think she will move there after graduation. She is thinking about doing grad school there. Can you believe it. She will be a senior in the fall. You got cheated out of that. Allison found herself a nice young man. He lives in London. He reminds me so much of you. Loves to talk and is very polite. Works hard. Your dad is finally back to work after 4 months of being home. It was such a hard time. He is still reeling from your death. I think your dad's health is going down hill. We will see. You are missed more every day. With the passing of every day, it never gets easier. In most respects, it is so much harder on us. It is getting time to get some new flowers at the corner. I will do it tomorrow on Easter Sunday. I love you my son. I will see you soon. Love Mom

Hello my son. How ave you been doing. It has been a little while sine I wrote. It is still so hard for me to do it sometimes. The stress is taking it's toll. The heart just isn't holding up like it should. I just know that I have never been able to handle your death very well. Allison is in Mexico this week and then she comes home for a week and off she goes back to London. She really loves that city. I think she is trying to figure out how to move there after she graduates. Your dad finally went back to work this week after being off for almost 4 months from his knee. That was interesting. Spring is here now. I have to go change your flowers on the corner. I hate going to there because I still see you there. But your dad has to go there. Grandma is doing good. Still going along. I bet grandpa would love for her to finally see him. Please hug him for me. I miss him so much. Amber is doing good. She loves her job. She is dating a man in Iraq and has a new home. She is also an aunt. A baby girl. I appreciate it so much that she still calls once in awhile. I miss her. You too brought so much laughter into my heart. I love you my son. And I miss you with breath and every tear. Love Mom

My Son. Happy Valentine day to you. It has been a very lonely one. Your dad is still home from knee surgury. 3 months now. He lights the candle for you every night. I hope you see them. You are missed more and more everyday. I keep looking for you to appear anywere. Just so I can see your beautiful face and maybe hear your voice once more.Our hearts are forever broken whith your untimely passing. It will never be a better thing. Allison is back from london now. She loved it. She can't wait to go back. The girl is even talking about graduate school there and doing an internship with the Travel Channel. I trust you to guide her in the right direction. Grandma is doing good. she just redid her kitchen again. But it is good to keep her busy. Take care my Jeremy. You are my valentine and my valentine heart will forever be cracked. I love you my son. Love mom

My Jeremy. This is the 4th time in the last month that I have written. I am sorry you haven't seen them. It has all been for nothing. But I am trying. I don't want you to think your mom has stopped needing to talk to you. This is all that gives me some comfort. We are in Chicago for Kevin's wedding. I had to leave when they did the mother son dance. It broke my heart that I would not ever get to do that with you. Dad is still home from knee surgury and matt joined the army. The are all going over to Iraq. Please be their angel to help them come home. I love you my son and miss you more than any one can understand. Maybe we will get lucky with this one. Love mom

My son. Happy New Years to you. The holidays are finally all done. Your birthday has come and gone again. We put Allison on the plane to London. It will be a horrible month here without her. I do hope she enjoys her time there. We did nothing for New Years. We haven't since you left. There hasn't been any reason to celebrate. I went up to the corner and let 23 balloons go to the sky for your birthday. All it did was rain. I am hoping that your friends are still remembering you. Thinking that you will be forgotten pains my heart. I was looking at your pictures again today. My heart breaks a little more when I see your beautiful smile and know I will never see it again. People say to start letting go of the pain. Only people who have lost a child can truly understand. You are my pride and joy. You will always be my heart. I love you. Mom

Happy Birthday my little guy. Today would have been your 23rd birthday. How much crying has been done this week again for you. Christmas is something that I wish would just go away. Your dad had kneee surgury and is home now all the time. I am counting on you to give me the strength to survive. Allison will be leaving on Monday to go to London. Everything is happening all at once. I am losing my mind along the way. My job is getting ugly at this moment. I might be thinking about a change. This would be health related. Keith is home but will be heading to Iraq in March. I didn't hear from Amber this holiday. I miss her so much. Her smile always helps me. Still no word from Chad. Please take care of him. You must also stay with Keith. I would kill your sister if something happened to him. I was up to the corner very early this morning. There are no words that I can say to explain pain and lonliness we have in our hearts. The days never get any easier. The longer you are gone, the harder it is on our hearts. We should be celebrating with a big cake and lots of joy. But we are celebrating with tears and sadness and lonliness. Your were are life. Love Mom

Hey Jeremy. It's been a very long time since I have written. Sorry about that! I have thought about you everyday since your passing and always will! I'm sure you know that I have been as busy as always! I'm getting on the final 1 1/2 with school! I'm so excited, but a little nervous to go into the real working world! Thanksgiving wasn't the same without you! I did not enjoy having Thanksgiving at our house for the simple reason you are not here. Nor do I like Christmas decorations because we always did those kind of together! I can't wait to go to London on New Years! It's going to be a great experience for me! We are leaving for Chicago this morning, so I wanted to write you before we left! I hope you have a wonderful Christmas and just know that you are thought of very often! You give me the strength and determination to continue with College because it is not easy! I love you and miss you!
-Allison

My Jeremy. It has been a long time since I wrote to you. It is just so hard to sit down at the computer to do it. Yesterday was Thanksgiving. Unfortunately we had no peace and quiet. I cooked and cleaned all day. The usual I guess. My health hasn't been the best lately so it was very draining. The schedules in our family are so busy that we really just needed to have a quiet day. We miss you so very much. I have been crying a lot. I just keep waiting for you to show up. I am sure the stress of your passing has really taken a toll on your dad and I. We are going to Chicago for the holidays. Allison refuses to let me put up any decorations. She just can't face it. She is going to London soon. It will be good for her to get away for awhile. She is trying to get out into the world and I am hanging on for dear life. I was able to talk to Amber yesterday. I miss her smile so much. She has her own place to live now. She seems very happy. Your sweetie is doing well. Your dad finally had to get rid of that horrible car. He actually got a newer one that is more comfortable. It is like driving a tank. I can see you smiling about that. It has been 2-1/2 years now that you are gone. Your 23rd birthday is coming up. People say time heals all. Well, that isn't quite true. We will never be healed from your dying. Your were our heart. The events of the last 3 weeks of your life will always remain front and center. Just like it happened yesterday. Because in my mind, you shouldn't have had to die. I will never accept that. You are my little boy. Our pride and joy. We love you with all of our broken hearts. Mom

Jeremy, It has been awhile since I have a posted message and wanted to give you an update. I am now an assistant Pre-K teacher for a childcare center in Vadnais Heights and love it! I am also working for a group home and my client is in Roseville. Both are very rewarding jobs and am happy about the change in careers from being a nanny! I am going to be moving to West St. Paul in about a month as I am buying a place of my own. I am looking forward to being on my own and one of my best friends lives right next door! The holidays are soon approaching. We will be spending Thanksgiving with our friends in town. For Christmas we are heading to Indiana to spend it with my brother and sister in law. My brother and his wife are expecting a baby in the end of March and cannot wait to be an auntie!

My son. It has been a month since I have written to you. Everytime I go to do that, I just get sick. I just spend so much time still crying. I know that you want me to stop and be happy for you but that will never come to be. You were taken from us too soon. It wouldn't have been this way if things had been different. I haven't heard from Amber since August. Keith is getting married and then going to Iraq. Allison have been very busy so far this school year. I have been sick for the last several months. I am on a lot of new medicine. Hopefully it will fix the problem. Your dad is good. His old Betsy car finally died. He had to get a new car. It belongs to him and Allison. She is happy. It has heated seats and you know how cold she is all the time. Winter is coming early this year. We have had little bits of snow. Halloween is coming. As it has been the last couple of years, I have no interest in it. And that means the holidays and your birthday are coming. You are almost going to be 23. I don't sleep much any more. But that is ok. I just lay and miss you so much. I love you with all of my heart and miss you with every passing minute. Love mom

My Jeremy. It has been a long summer. Fall is in the air. The fair is over and Allison is back in school. She is a junior this year. The time is going too fast. You are with me every second. The days are filled with an aching heart. You are so missed. Your dad is doing ok. He has been following the doctor's orders. My health isn't good at the moment. The dr is doing all these tests. The unbelieveable stress of your death is finally taking it's toll. I have been working so much just so I don't have to be here. Eric had another son. You are missing so much. I had a couple of nice conversations with Amber. That was nice. I have heard nothing from Chad or his parents. I miss them. Grandma is having another biopsy tomorrow. I am worried about her. I did take her to the fair for the first time since grandpa died. I took new fall flowers to the corner. I think it will be an early fall. It was such a terribly hot summer. I will write again soon. It is sometimes so hard to sit down and just write to you. My heart just hurts. I love you with all of my heart. I miss your soft voice and easy smile. You are my heart. Love Mom

My Jeremy. I am so sorry that I haven't written in awhile. It has been so busy at work and I have spent many hours there. I seem to have a little problem sitting down to write. It still hurts so much. Allison is getting ready to start her 3rd year of college. It is hard to believe. The fair is coming soon. I hate going there without you. Grandma is doing ok. Dad is doing ok. He hasn't hardly worked this year. It has been slow there. So you can't imagine how hard it has been for him to stay home. You are so missed. The days just never get any easier. There are still so many tears. It has been a very hot summer. I really am looking forward to fall. Not the holidays. Just cooler weather. Perhaps then I can take some time off and go away for a couple of days. I just need some peace. This way, I can just cry and be upset and not bother any one. I just need to be somewhere quiet with you. I love you my son. I promise I will write again very soon. Mom

My son. Today is the 4th of July. Allison is 20 yrs old today. I am sitting here just missing you so much. Steve and Danny came by tonight to wish her happy birthday. They think of you often. Time is slipping by. Allison's friends are all here. Thats good. It keeps her happy. It just isn't the same any more. This family is at such a loss. We struggle every day. Your dad is so sad. He misses his son. Allison is very busy with the radio station. That is good. She has been taking us to lots of Twins games. I will do anything not to have to stay in this house. I still haven't done your room. I just can't bring myself to go in there. We went to Val's today. Grandma went down their waterslide into the pool. I can see the smile on your face. That little grin. Allison got a great picture of her. So we have the proof. Well, I better stop now. I am starting to cry again. I don't want to ruin the party and have all of her friends see me. I love you my son and miss you with all of my heart. Mom

jeremy i can't believe that you have been gone for 2 years.i just wanted to say thank you for all of your help when i first started at MBA. I have to admit the first time we met i wasn't the most graceful person. i basically fell right in front of you and my books flew all over the floor. i remember that you were very kind. You just laughed and helped me up. you even picked up my books. Then you told me that i reminded you of your sister because she did stuff like that. So thank you for your kindness. I want you to know that i am always there for allison because i know that you probably worry about her,like most brothers do. Jeremy you truely touched the heart of so many people and you are deeply missed.



love always,

Sarah Bissonette

My Jeremy. Today you have been gone for 2 years. I can't even begin to explain how horrible they have been. I was at the corner this morning. The days just don't get any easier. I still wait for you to come down the stairs or the good morning mom, I love you. It never comes. I still get a terrible pain in my heart everytime I look at your picture or box. I received a silver cross in the mail yesterday from my cousin Nita. It said the same thing as a picture frame from my sister. It was too heart wrenching to read it so I put it away. I will never be at ease with your passing. It was thoughtful for her to send it but there are no words to tell how much more pain and tears came with it. Nothing will ever be normal again. Father's day is coming up and I can see the sad look in your dad's eyes. I am going to the corner tonight to let balloons go. 2 of them. One for each year you have been gone. MBA is closing this year and Allison went to say good bye to some of the teachers. She managed to get a nice laminated picture of you and your graduating class. You looked so peaceful. It was good to get that. I was such a happy time. You are my little guy. I love you and miss you with my entire heart and soul. The waiting to see you again is just so hard. I can see this will not be an easy day for me here at work. I wanted so much to take the day off. But then, it was probably better that I don't stay home. I will cry no matter where I am. You are my heart. Love Mom

Jeremy,

I am your mother's cousin. I didn't know you very well, but I do know that you were a great KID! Your mother loves you so much and misses you greatly. I was thinking about her and wanted to do something for her. The Holy Spirit showed me a beautiful cross that is perfect for her. I have mailed it to her today. It has a message on it that is perfect for her. I know you are in Heaven watching over your beloved family.

We don't know why some are called home after only a few short years here on earth, and why others linger on for many years. You are with our Dear Lord, Jesus! And who could be in a better place???

May God grant Peace to your family.

My Jeremy. Well, I made it through another Mothers' day. Allison tryed to spend the time with me but I am sure there were other things she wanted to do. I cried so much again that day. It just isn't getting any easier. We took a vacation to alaska just to try to cope with the weeks leading up to your june 8 date. I feel so bad that chad has been home a couple of times and we didn't get to see him. I did get his email so I sent him one. He is going back to Iraq. I am missing you so much. I am going to the corner to let 2 balloons go.It will be just me i think. I don't want to disturb any one. They are all dealing with this in their own way. I will write again in a couple of days. I need to pull myself together. I love you. Mom

My son. Well, tomorrow is Mother's day. I just can't seem to comprehend that I will be spending another one with out you. I have spent quite a bit of this weekend crying again. I just can't seem to control it. I miss you so much. Allison tries so hard. You would be really proud of her. She got hired at the radio station she has been interning at. She is so excited about that. She also was accepted this week to study abroad in January. She is going to the place we were going to go after you graduated from college. Thats right. She is going to London. Today would have been the day you graduated from college. Amber is graduating today. We are really happy for her. Today was supposed to be one of the most proudest days of our lives. To watch you get your dipoloma. I know it would have been with honors. You were doing so well. I can hardly write. It just hurts so bad. No one understands how much pain your death has caused. You were my baby. I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It never goes away. My heart hurts so bad sometimes. I now know that it really is hurting. It is broken. I love you so much. You and Allison are my heart. Your anniversary is coming up. Two years ago today was the beginning of the end. You will always have my heart. Love mom

My son. I guess my last entry didn't make it again in here. I wrote on my birthday. It was again a very sad and lonely day. Allison tried to make it a fun day. We went to a comedy show called Late nite Catechism. It was lots of fun. It was good to laugh but still sad in my heart that I had to go another year with out seeing your smile. I have mother's day now to get through in a couple of weeks. Your dad is going in for a colon test on friday. Hopefully it will come out clean. Allison is coming to the end of her 2nd year of college. Please stay with her. Help her. She wants to make you so proud of her. You would have been graduating on the 13th of this month from college. Now just Amber is. I miss her. I haven't seen her for months. I really miss her smile and laughter. I love you my Jeremy. You are my heart. Love Mom

Hey Jeremy,



Looks like I'm the first to mention it here...MBA has announced it's closing at the end of this school year. I have mixed emotions about it all. I'll write more at a later time and just, well, thought I'd check-in to say 'hello.'



In a strange way you provided a sanity to my experience with the school. You always appeared level-headed and common sensical <-- okay, I'm not sure that's a word either.

Hello Jeremy,

It has been a long time since I have written and I checked your guest book and everyone has been thinking of you this past few weeks. It is nice that you are remembered and loved so much. I am still expecting to recieve an e-mail or see you come online one of these days. I have talked to Amber lately and she seems to be doing well. You must be watching over all of us. I was just unpacking more of my things in my new house and I came across oldpictures from highschool started reminising about old times and sat and thought about all the good times we have had and I couldn't help but laugh and smile, you could always make anyone cheer up! I hope that your family is doing well, my prayers go out to you every week. Keep watching over us, we all miss your company!

My son. It has been a little time since I have written. You have never been far from my mind and heart. I am hear alone and feeling very down.I had a show on tv that was talking about a kid named jeremy that was killed by another kid. That opened the flood gates. My heart hurt so much. I look at your picture and I feel like i was kicked in the stomach. Your mom is so very sad.I cry so much in the lonliness of missing you. I am a little sad. Chad came home from Iraq and he didn't come by to check on us and say hi. I wanted to hug him so much. I wanted him to know that I pray for him each day. I thank every one who has been writing lately. I hope they will keep doing it and tell all you other friends to do the same. It is so important to me that you are not forgotten. I just need to hold you. There is never any peace for me. I am sorry I am such a mess. I really do try to keep it together but there are some really bad days. I know that you would not like to see me this way. But I don't know if I told you how muched I loved you enough. I just don't think that I ever did enough for you. You were my beautiful son. My grandchildren would have been such wonderful kids. I could hardly wait for that time of your life. I am sorry my son, I just have to stop now. I can't hardly stop crying to write. I will soon again. I love you and miss you with every breath. Mom

Dear, dear Jeremy,

I would have writtten sooner, but I didn't realize that the Guest Book was still available. Mom wrote me recently, my heart breaks for her, your Dad and Allison. You are never far from my thoughts and prayers. Please visit your Mom, Jeremy. She needs to know that you are OK and in a wonderful place without pain or sadness. She needs to know that you are with the angels and being held close in the arms of our Lord. She needs you to help her heal.

You remember my Mom, don't you? She is up in heaven with you too. I miss her so much. I think of her every day but it is easier for me to accept her death because she was 94. You were so young and so full of promise and joy and love...we all miss you Jeremy. Please pray for us! Love, Monica

hey Jeremy I am sorry I have not written in a while I have been exteamly busy at work I miss you everyday every time i listen to my disturbed cd I think of you and everytime I see star trek on tv I think of you Liz Is hanging in there she has her good days and her bad days. Thankfully her Lupas is progressing slowly and she is a fighter. I just found out that Dj and his wife agreed on a name of there baby if it is a boy they are going to name it jeremy that brought a smile to my face when he told me. I immediatly thought of you. I had my heart checked and everything is fine I have been haveing chest pains for the last couple of weeks so I wanted to make sure everything is ok. and it is. The Doctor told me the pains are from overwork and not enough down time. I think about you everyday and I miss you. I know you and I will see eachother again. until than I will be sure to tell Liz hi for you. I promise I will write more often now. take care of grandpa and uncle adam and take care of yourself. I love you Jeremy. Bye for now. Your loveing brother Dave

Hey Jeremy, mom told me a few people wrote in here and I figured I would check it out. They are very kind to have thought of you and wrote to you in the past week or so. Thank You to those who have!

Well I have been very busy (when haven't I been) I got an internship at 102.9 lite fm and I know it's not your taste of music, but it's relaxing and I love it so far. I am surviving college however, not with the grades I typically want. I will have to work harder! Whenever I start to think I'm doing ok being happy I get so sad because you aren't there with me for the ride. I know you are watching over me and laughing and all the stupid things I do, but it's not the same. I always look for you in the house everywhere I go. When I walk in the front door, go up stairs and your room is right in front of me, in the bathroom when you would write little messages for me in the morning, at dinner when it's just mom, dad and me now. There is no joy, we miss you so much! We miss the joy that you had and shared with us everyday. I miss the mysterious things that use to show up in my room. I miss watching you and Amber together laughing.

No more family vacations to Grand Cayman or Alaska. No more decorating the Christmas tree with you, or walking into your room wanting to talk to you or see whats up, sitting on the couch watching a movie together, trying not to walk to hard when you are painting your war hammer. All the little things that annoy me can't anymore.

I watched the olympics everyday like I have always done and couldn't take my eyes off of speed skating this year. Apollo Anton Ohno was perfect! He reminds me so much of you, his good spirit, his happiness, he's so geniune. I want to meet him more than anything! I think it's because I will feel like I'm looking at you and talking to you! He's coming to town at the end of march for the World Championship short track speed skating. I am volunteering as a block chaser so hopefully i will be on the ice at the same time as him. I remember watching you race and it was so much fun to watch! You were awesome at it.

You have and always will be my hero! I love you and miss you so much! Take care of Uncle Adam and Grandpa. Three great men together in such a short amount of time!

Love,

Allison

Mrs. Nawracaj.....Jeremy will always be remembered....I still remember having computer class with him and him helping me all the time....I look at yearbooks and it's so hard to believe that he's gone to a better place. We all miss him ! Take care, Michelle

Miss you Jer-Jer-Bear (cuz "jer-bear" is too unoriginal!) ;) Was just thinking about you and all the conversations we use to have... Sometimes I still expect you to pop up on AIM, like back in the days of the cubicles at MBA. You were in the only person in the world who would ever send me a Britney Spears singing telegram on Valentine's Day! Missing you a lot right now...

Hey man, I haven't been around lately, sorry I've been busy...anyways, I finally got to play Warhammer again, I dominated a veteran Space Marine player with Eldar in your honor, even used those Swooping Hawks you always destroyed me with......we didn't hang out a lot, but I miss you still, I have tears in my eyes as I write this, but.....I love you man, in the future, I'll be able to play my craftworld against yours again....

My son. I am just sitting here alone. and I am just wishing you were here to hold me. To stop the deep pain in my heart. It is so painful from missing you. I hurt so much beyond words. It is going to be 2 years in june. I wish more people would write on this. Then I would know that you are not forgotten. you were a class act. I am trying so hard to be strong. The ks95 radiothon is going on this weekend. I can't listen to it. It is much too painful to listen to. I will be forever grateful to ms paxton for keeping this alive for you. Little Evan is doing your warhammer game now. It brings him closer to you. I have some new things for your corner. I will put them out when the weather gets a little better. My soul is just as broken as my heart. I can't bear the thought of it being so long before I get to hold you again. That horrible night haunts me always. There is never any closure. I will cry every day for the rest of my life with missing your smiling face and you sitting at your computer with me rubbing your head. Just little things, a kiss, a hug, a hi mom. They just never come anymore. I love you with all my heart, soul, and tears. Love Mom

My Son. How much I am missing you. I am having some bad days lately. Every picture I look at takes the breath from me. I have been crying more lately again. I am so lonely for you. We are going into March. Another holiday is coming and my birthday. Time is going by but I miss you more and more every day. I can't wait to see you again. I really need to hug you and tell you how much I love you. Allison is doing well with the internship at the radio station. She really likes it. Your graduation year is coming to an end. To think you would be graduating this year. Allison will be finishing her 2nd year at Hamline. I am so proud of her. You would be too. I know that she is trying to make you proud to be her brother. I love you my Jeremy. We will be together again. Love Mom

My Jeremy. Happy Valentine's day. It it a sad day that I can't give you the hug and kiss I always did. You are missed so much. Everytime I look at your picture, I get such a punch in the stomach and my heart just aches with missing you. Allison got an internship with a radio station. She really likes it. Grandma is doing ok. Your dad is still trying to take care of his heart. There just isn't anything that can be done for mine. I love you my son. I am living for the day that I can see you again and hear the I love you mom. I keep playing that over in my head because it is the only way to remember your sweet voice. Hugs and kisses, Mom

My son. Have you seen Uncle Adam yet? I was just checking with you. I am missing you a lot again today. You would be very excited for Allison. She got accepted into and internship with 102.9 radio. It will be a hard week coming up. She is going to Mexico tomorrow for a week and I will pretty much be by myself. I found more pictures of you this weekend. That smiling face. I keep hoping that I will see it again. I know that you are looking down and scolding me because I cry every day. It just never stops. It is the only release I have. I am still trying to connect with Amber before she goes back to school. She has been so busy. I miss her. I will write again soon. I am at work and I always cry when I do this. Every day is a good day when I wake up and can make it through. I love you my son. Mom

My Jeremy. Well, I have some bad news. Uncle Adam passed away on Sunday, Jan 15, 2006. He is hopefully with you. I sent a message with him for you to tell you how much you are missed and loved. We want you to come home. Please stay with Uncle Adam. Your dad is taking this pretty hard. Allison realized that she has lost 4 very important people in her life. And it has just been the last couple of years. It is still so hard. People keep giving me things that are too hard to read and it just sends me down. I am trying to stay up because I know you are watching me. but then again, you know how I am. Things will just never be right again. Just get up every day and wait to finally go back to bed. I miss you my son. Love Mom

Happy New Year my son. I wanted to write sooner but with your birthday and new years, I was just struggling to get to the end of this time of the year. We are just waiting to hear news of Adam. I am waiting for Amber to come over to get her christmas gift. I made sure there was something sparkling in there from you. I am going through each day because I know you want me to. I keep so busy at work so that helps me. It's the nights that are especially hard. I try not to go home much any more. Every time I look at the corner, I see you standing there looking at the little things I have put there. You are standing there with your beautiful smile. I love you my son. Love Mom

Happy New Year! I went to the Wisconsin Dells for the New Year to celebrate with college friends! I was the only one there that is still at Stout and all of the other ones have already graduated from there. I am enjoying my break from Stout. I am very happy to be back with Claire and Cael. I am managing to work a couple of nights at Target, but am keeping busy with the social life which has been a treat. I have been catching up with friends from Elementary School, friends made in Germany, High School friends, and college friends. I wanted to let you know that Cathy Johnson passed away from Target today. She was killed in a car wreck earlier this afternoon. Take care. Your Sweetie

Happy birthday my Jeremy. Today is your 22nd birthday. How I remember this day 22 years ago. You were so beautiful and so tiny. The first look at your face and my heart was gone. I am trying to work today. I feel like I am drowning in quicksand. Christmas was hard. Adam is so weak. He will be there soon. If it weren't for your sister, I would want very much to be in Adam's place. Allison is all that is keeping me going. Your dad is still following the doctor's orders. That is good. It is so hard for him with you and now Adam. We just try to stay out of his way when he gets really sad. It is really gray and gloomy weather today. Fits my mood perfectly. I put a birthday card at the corner. I hope you like it. I miss you my son. My heart will always have half of it missing. I love you my Jeremy. I hope that you are celebrating your day. Love Mom

My Jeremy. Well, christmas is here in a few days. I have decorations up at the stop sign for you. I am trying so hard to be a little happier this year. It isn't coming easy. Your dad has a terrible cold and we are leaving for chicago today. We are seeing dad's side of the family. Uncle Adam is very sick. I think he will coming to you soon. Please take good care of him. So it will be doubly sad holiday. Your 22nd birthday is just 8 days from now. I just can't wait for this time to go away. I put up a few decorations this year. Allison wasn't too happy about that. She is missing you so much. She made it through this semester. Your dad is very lonely for you. He has been lighting the candles we have next to your box. We miss you so very much. I die a little more inside every day that you are gone. I love you my son. Merry Christmas. You are my heart. Love Mom

Hey Babe....Finals are soon approaching...this semester has been mass chaos...classes, working, babysitting, studying, projects, but has been an outstanding semester after the change of major. I am looking forward to the Christmas break...going to Seattle to see my brother and sister in law, working at Target, and nannying for my two sweet kids, Claire and Cael. I will be doing my practicum hours next semester at American Lutheran Homes and am very excited....will be another super chaotic semester, but it will be my last one. I hope to go to Milwaukee for the New Year and visit friends...some currently going to Stout and some Alumni. It will depend upon the Minnesota weather ya know...could be a blizzard or could be rather warm. I will write more and let you know how the semester ends grades wise...looking beautiful so far. Your Sweetie

My son. I am so glad you heard from Amber. She seems much happier with her major change. It is so ironic that she came to stout to be with you and to graduate with you. She is finally seeing the end her college career with out her driving force. Please stay with your sweetie. There is a place in her heart for you. I have her christmas stocking hanging with ours. That was the only christmas decorating this year. I am begging tou to take good care of Chad and keith. Please dont'any more pain and broken hearts come this way. Your's is hard enough. I love you my son. You were everything in my heart. You were my first little peanut.and you became such a fine man with very nice friends. You had such a promising future. I love you with all my heart. See you soon. Lovw Mom

Hey Babe! Happy Thanksgiving! We enjoyed our annual tradition over at our friends place eating a feast and playing games. I am working at Target over the break. It is fun working with Matt, Dan, and John. They have been great to me - taking care of me and watching out for me. We are heading to Seattle for the Christmas holidays to be with Adam and Claire and my Cousin from Oregon. Should be a good time! I havent been out to Seattle for 5 years and am looking forward to being together with my brother and sister in law for the holiday season. I graduate in 6 months - hard to believe how fast the college years have been going! I heard from Chad the day before Thanksgiving. He is in Iraq so please watch over him. He will be back in February. I miss you. Love, Your Sweetie

My Son. Happy Thanksgiving. Your dad and I and Allison are hiding out at home today. It is quiet here. You are missed so much. Much crying and lonely hearts. I haven't heard from Amber. I did see her a couple of weeks ago. I went to talk to your doctor from school. She was very nice. Your picture is in her office. It is hard to be thankful today because a big part of my heart isn't here. I am truly blessed that Allison is still with me. Chad is in Iraq. We haven't heard anything from him since the 4th of July. Keith is leaving in a couple of weeks to go over. Please watch over them. The weather is cold and windy. I was at the corner early this morning. I am getting it ready for christmas. Another very sad time. Do you realize that you would have been 22 this christmas. Graduation year from College. Time is slipping away. I love you with my heart and soul and will miss you every minute of every day. Love, your mom

My son. I am sorry it has been so long. I haven't been able to bring myself to sit an write. I am working myself into the ground to keep the haunting events from taking hold. Allison is very busy with school. I haven't seen Amber in so long. I am going to see her next week. That will be good. I miss her smile. Yesterday was halloween. Your dad was having such a hard time with it. I was looking at all your costumes from years past. They are all hanging up. Now the rest of the holidays are again around the corner. I hate this time of the year. It is so empty. I was remembering the years we had for halloween and all the different costumes you wore. The memories are so hard to deal with. There is such an emptiness in our hearts. It will never go away. Grandma is doing ok. I haven't been to see her in a long time. I have to do that. I love you my Jeremy. You are my heart. Love Mom

Hey Babe! The first month of school has flown by. I am much happier in new major. Many more opportunities and possbilities lie ahead for the future. I thoroughly enjoy working for the chemistry department and still being part of the church nursery. I am getting anxious for Spring break because my mom and I are going to New York. Just found out it is going to work out to nanny for three weeks over the winter break. I can't wait to be with the kids again!!!! I haven't been too overwhelmed with homework besides my psychology courses keeping me busy with research and observations!!!! It is an intense course, however, am learning a significant amount and rather enjoy it myself. I miss you a ton. Love Always, Your Sweetie

My Jeremy. Things are going along. Allison is very busy. We had terrible storms not to long ago. Grandma lost her 47 year old evergreen in the front yard. It fell on her neighbor's house. I have been so busy at work that I haven't been able to get over there to see it. You are on my mind contantly. This last year has been such a nightmare. People tell me I should not think about everything now so much. They just don't understand that the events of the horrible night will never leave me. I know that you would not want me to be crying and sad anymore. Well, for the rest of my days, I always will be. The hurt and the pain are there in my heart. I miss you beyond everything. You are my heart. I love you my Jeremy. There is nothing more important in life as the time you were here with me. I love you my son. Mom

My son. Well, the fall is here and the leaves are starting to fall. I was to the corner today. I go still every day. I need to change the flowers now so it is more for this time of the year. I still see you laying in the street like it was just yesterday. I have been thinking about you so much. Allison is back at school and is busy. I have been very busy at work and I am so glad. We are all just running ourselves into the ground. Dad has been working a lot now. He misses you so much. He misses the talks you used to have. I don't know where Chad is. We haven't heard from him since the 4th of july. I call your phone number every day to hear the little message on there. How I wish there was more. I am so scared that I will forget what your voice sounds like. Just think, this would be your last year of college. You would have graduated with honors. I am sure of that. I miss you so much my Jeremy. I am so empty inside. You are my heart. I want to hug you so much. I look at your picture every day and I just get sick inside knowing that you now just a memory. This is not how it is supposed to be. There is no normal any more. I love you my son. Love mom.

Hey Babe! Sorry it has been awhile since I last wrote. Life is taking me in different directions. The biggest change in my life occurred last week when I decided to change my major. I switched my major from Early Childhood Education to Human Development Family Studies. There are more career and job opportunities available through this major. I will no longer have to do 6 months of student teaching and will be doing a practicuum next semester at a place of my choice. I haven't made that decision yet, but will be within the next month. I am rather excited and happy about my decision!!!! I will be graduating in the middle of May. I love the apartment life - I enjoy walking to campus everyday, cooking my own meals, having friends over, more space available to store my treasures, and my roommate is never there so I can enjoy the peace and quiet. The treasurer position for StWEA is keeping me busy - went to a professional development conference in Madison over the weekend. In October we go to Appleton for another professional development seminar. I think about you a lot and miss you. Wish you were still with me. Love Always, Your Sweetie

Hey there. I haven't written in a really long time. I am sorry for that. Summer has flown by and I start my second year on wedensday. I don't know how you do it. You did so well in college, and for me it's a bit more challenging. Oh well I will get through it. I have gone to the fair 5 times. And believe me I ate enough food for the both of us to last for a while. hehe. Well I always laugh when I am eating food and following my friends around because I remember when you said. "Let's get you some food cuz then you'll follow me anywhere." That was so funny. I went to the fair with Kenny and his brother. You would have liked Kenny. Alot. He's awesome. Anyways, his brother reminded me so much of you! very quiet, laid back. He was cool though. It did make me miss you a lot. Know that I do think of you every single day and I do miss you a lot!!!! I am starting to get worn down from keeping myself so busy. But I love you and your always in my heart! Love you, Allison

My son. It is fair time. I hate this time of the year. School would be getting ready to start and you would be moving in for your last year of college. You would have graduated this year. Fall is just around the corner. Then we have to deal with the holidays again. I miss you so. I have been so busy at work. It has really taken my mind off of the pain and loneliness. It is never too far. I was at a trade show this week and completely lost it at the booth for the star trek experience. Do you remember when we went there? We had such a good time. I was just shocked to see the brochure. There is so much sadness in the world right now. I try to keep my heart in a positive place but still most days it does not work so well. I love you my Jeremy with my heart and soul and I miss you so much that I am consumed. Love Mom

My Jeremy. It has been a few too many days since I have written. We were on vacation. We just can't stay here so much any more. We had as good of time as we could with out you. I find that I am starting to dream about you. It seems so real. I wake up now just crying my eyes out and expecting to see you standing there waiting for a hug from me. The tears and the pain as just as strong today as they were the night you died. We have had no word from Chad so I don't know how he is doing. Allison is going to be starting school in about 2 weeks. Her 2nd year of college. You should have been doing your third year. I miss you more every day. We all were robbed of so much. We try to think of the happy times and the joy you brought to all of us. Maybe some day. I love you with all of my heart. Mom

Hey Hun! This summer is absolutely flying by and am now in the process of getting ready to move back to college. I don't want to go back and leave Claire and Cael...I love the kids dearly and will miss them dearly! I go back in about four weeks. I am going to start moving in to my house next Friday. I miss you a lot...I think about you all the time. I am finally staying in town this weekend after traveling so much the past two and a half months, but work and babysit. I will write more later. Love ya tons, Your Sweetie

My son. Here we are into August again. The state fair is right around the corner. Your dad is looking forward to it and so is Allison. I am not. I really don't enjoy it any more. There are too many people and it is usually too hot. I miss you every day and look at your pictures on my desk all the time. I try to let them bring me back to a happier time. I need to call Chad's mom. I think he is in Hawaii now. On his way to Iraq. The marines are dying so much over there. I pray every day that you will help keep him safe. Allison is going to be getting ready to go back to school. That will be good. She has had some trouble this summer keeping busy. I will be seeing grandma tomorrow. She misses you so much. I haven't seen much of Amber this summer. Only a couple of times. Everyone is drifting away. I have been really busy at work. That is good. There is no time to think. Your rose bush is going strong. I love you with all of my heart. Each day brings so much more lonliness. Love mom

My son. I have been missing you so much today. crying alot. Reily's dad came over last night to give us a picture of him running in grandma's marathon 26 miles right after you died. He got a picture of him crossing the finish line. and on the picture he ran it just for you. I put it next to you. It was nice of him but I went into a downward spiral. The release helped me. My nerves are just a mess. I just manage to exist each day. My living died with you. I just go through the day. I am so tired. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. I love you so much. The emptiness inside me is so strong. It can never be filled. You are my pride and my heart. I just ache to hear your voice or get a hug or a tease. I love you heart and soul my Jeremy. Please stay with me. Don't ever leave. Mom

My Jeremy. Time is going by. You are missed so much. Your dad had his 50th birthday this weekend. Jason got married this weekend as well. We went to Chicago for it. It was a very happy weekend except that this big piece was missing. Your dad had a really hard time. He misses you so much. We look at your box and pictures all the time. The feeling of loss and missing you is almost unbearable. I see you all the time. My new job is going well. I have been busy. That is good. I have less time to think. Grandma is doing ok. You are never far from her thoughts. I long for the time I can see you again. I will never be complete until then. Allison is doing ok. She misses you very much. I see her looking at your picture and she still gets so upset if your bedroom door is open even a little bit. Keith will be going to afganistan in december. Please watch over him. I didn't get to say goodbye to Chad. He won't be back for a very long time now. Life is just so empty. I love you my son. I miss you with my whole heart and soul.

My son. It has been awhile since I have written to you. It has been a hard month. Allison's 19th birthday was on monday. Such a huge part was missing. We tried so hard to give your sister a good day. As usual, your friends came over to help celebrate. Steve was here as was Danny. Amber never made it. But the best part was Chad came. He is home from the Marines till monday. His parents came over as well. It was so good to see Chad. He misses you so much. He carries the special coins with him. The horrible news is that he is going to Iraq. He will be on his way when he leaves here. He won't be home till next year sometime. Please watch over him. Nothing must happen to him. You must keep him safe. Jason is getting married next week. Lisa is a nice girl. Adam is hanging in there with the Chemo. Your rose bush is blooming so nicely. Your dad cut the first roses and put them in a vase next to your box. They smell just like the roses you always got for Amber. I miss her so. She is so busy. I have only seen her twice since she has been home. My new job is going good. I am glad I made the move. Allison is having some fun this summer. That is good. I love you my son. I miss you and pray for you every day. Love Mom

My dearest Jeremy. Sorry This is a little behind. i have been very busy. I started a new job on Monday at another travel agency. I could't go there any more. I was going crazy with my memory of you sitting so long at my desk planning our trip to chicago. It is a good opportunity for me to start fresh. But as always, you are never very far from me. I have had a tough few weeks. trying to get a root canal refixed. found out that the first one caused an infection in the bone and is eating it away. That will take a long time to feel better. Then a week ago in was walking in the front yard and hit a hole. twisted my ankle pretty bad and have a hairline fracture then I have another infection of female nature and started my new job. Not bad for just one week. I think the stress is starting to really take a toll. You are so badly missed here. Chad should be coming home this weekend. It will be good to see him. I hope you are with him. He is so lost without you as we all are. I am glad that Amber is keeping busy this summer. She misses you so much. I can see it in her face. There is sadness that lingers in her eyes all the time. Allison's 19th birthday is coming on monday. I suppose your friends are coming for a little while. I am going to still try to keep your scholarship going at the Minnesota Business Academy. Your chiropractor is very generous to that. he thinks about you all the time and remembers all the great talks you had together. David just had his 32nd birthday. keep an eye on them if you have some time. I love you my son. We miss our heart so much. Several people have been calling your phone just to hear your voice. I still keep it active. I just keep hoping that I will hear I love you mom, just once more. I love you my son. you are my rainbow

Hey Hun...It has been awhile since I last posted a message, but this summer has been absolutely crazy. I am nannying full time for two of the sweetest kids that I love dearly...we have gone on many adventures and many more to come. I am working part time at Target. The month of July is going to be nuts because every weekend I am going out of town, but the fun will begin then. I miss you dearly and always look for you cart attending at Target. Some days I am in my own little world and don't even realize that I have guests because I am thinking about you. You know me, always thinking about something. I haven't seen many friends this summer because my summer entails work and more work, but I love my nanny job dearly. I will write again soon. Love Always, Your Sweetie

My son. Today is father's day. How hard it is for your dad. Allison is trying so hard to make the day nice for him. She has been making ice cream in your last year's gift that you never got to give him. We are missing you so. It is so hard to look at your picture without just going to pieces. The red rose bush that we planted for you is growing really nice. As the flowers start to bloom, I will cut them and put them next to you. I love you my son and I miss you more every minute that I am still here. Love Mom

My Jeremy. Today is the one year anniversary of your death. 2-1/2 hours from now, will be the time you died. We have tried so hard to get through the day. Allison, Amber, Matt and I went to the corner tonight and let balloons go for you. They sailed up to the heavens. Someone left some roses for you there. Matt and John left some warhammer there as well. You are so very missed. I have cried all day. We let a balloon go to you from Chad. I know he would have wanted to be here more than anything. I know that even though it has been a whole year, it to me is only yesterday. You are always in my heart. I took the day off from work because I needed to spend it with you. I love you my son. Only seeing you again will heal my heart. Love Mom

My son. I am just sitting here missing you so much. The tears and heartbreak are almost overwhelming. It will be in one week that you will have been gone a year. I just wish you new how much pain I am in. A few days are ok. Most I can't hardly think of anything except that night a year ago that everything was destroyed. I put a few things at the corner for you tonight. I also went to the garden that you planted all of those flowers for me just before you went away. They aren't growing. They are just dead and shrivled. I can't bring myself to take them out. They grew so good last summer. I watered them every day. Watching them bloom so pretty was what kept me going those long summer days and nights. Father's day is coming soon. We have to do something special for your dad. I know that the only thing he truly wants is for you to be here with him. He misses you so. His only son. I love you my Jeremy. With my heart and soul. Love your mom

Hello my Jeremy. It has been awhile since I wrote. This has just been a terrible month. All of this month has so many memories. The doctor visits, mother's day and so on. Allison and I just returned from 10 days in Mexico. We went with Val and Brianne. I just had to get out of here. The year anniversary of your death is coming next week. There was a beautiful rainbow in Mexico. It completely surrounded the sun. I was thinking so much about you that day. I just am missing you so very much. This has been the most horrible year. I am finding that the days aren't any easier to deal with. There are tears every day for you. Your dad is in Chicago visiting everyone. He misses you so much. It hurts me to see him in so much pain. I will write again soon now that I am back. I am going to release a balloon on your anniversary. I am pretty sure though that I won't still be able to let you go. You are my very heart and soul. I love you my baby. Love Mom

My Son. I wrote to you on mother's day but it never showed up. I had such a terrible time. Allison tried so hard to make it a good day for me. But it was such an empty day. She cooked me dinner. Yes she did. You would have been very impressed. It was wonderful. Tomorrow it will be 1 year that you went to the doctor. Amber and I will at Stout. We are having a tree planted in your memory. I hope you like it. I might try to see if Chad's mom would like to come too. I finally talked your dad into going to Chicago for the Memorial holiday. He really needs to do that. I miss you so much. I pretty much cried all day on mother's day. The stress build up for this next month is really taking it's toll. I just can run far enough away to escape the next weeks. Allison is 1 week from completing her 1st year of college. I hope she can end on a good note. I love you my son. I will let you know how the tree planting goes. Love your Mom