John Carlson Obituary

Happy #80, John !!!!!
Not in very good condition to complete this birthday message but promise to complete this when message when I can.
Love you either way, shape and form possible ....with all of my heart and soul !!!!!!

Merry Christmas, Sweetheart !!!
It´s a "Hug Fest" up there this year ... wish it was that way down here. Wish we could go back to the Last Christmas Dinner at Green Lake. Family is soooo important ! Miss you all so much this Christmas Day !!!!

December 4, 2024

Sweetheart,

Another year has gone by having to live on memories ...


Twenty years ago you purchased a gold band that still sits on my finger, I have never taken it off. In my heart and soul, you will always remain. So many years spent "hiding US" from everyone, seems so unfortunate now.

Fifty two years ago we met. You the big, strong bricklayer and me the simple little customer service clerk. You in your blue jeans and flannel shirt and me in my pink pinafore dress. Weren´t we the most unusual couple ? Meeting over a telephone, first date two hours later and learning what "love at first sight" truly meant. I wish we had shared all of those happy days with those we loved. I cherish all of the memories we made between us ...

It took only thirty-two years for us to make it to the jewelry store, but I felt your love since day one. No one can ever take this from me.

It´s been nineteen years since you left me in the physical sense ... but you will remain in my heart and soul throughout eternity !!!

I feel you in each sunrise and sunset. I see you in the hummingbird that visits me each day. I hear you in the quiet, peacefulness as I sit alone on the back patio. I am grateful for my memories of you and me.

So now, My Darling, as I twist my band on my finger ... knowing that this ring has no end ... I share this day with you in memories of US !!!

I love you and miss you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever !!!

June 2, 2024

Hi Honey !

Just a quick note today. This weekend was Donna´s Celebration of Life activities in Illinois and Wisconsin.

Saturday family and friends gathered at the church that Donna and Larry have been so involved with the last two decades. Donna was "The Hugger" for this community and will be sorely missed by the congregation.

This afternoon , Sunday, everyone gathered together at Weiser Cemetary in Princeton for Donna´s burial. She now rests peacefully with you, Roy and your parents. I sent a small arrangement including the three roses. One red rose to represent love, one yellow rose to represent friendship and one white rose to represent eternal peace. The card enclosed let the family that know that it was sent from you and was signed "Love, John". I hope everything went okay on the delivery of your flowers. They were to arrive at the gravesite before your family arrived this afternoon.

May Donna Rest in Peace where she had her happiest days ... her Green Lake !!!

I have done everything, the best I can, as you have instructed me to.

So now go spend some time with your family up there in Heaven and continue the Celebration of the Life of Donna!

I love you all, with all of my heart and soul, then now and forever.

May 24, 2024

Hey Big Fella !!!

Another Memorial Day weekend is upon us and you know what this means. Eighteen years ago was our final Memorial Day ... I can remember almost every moment from our departure from Sky Harbor Airport, to our arrival at O´Hare Airport, to our overnight visit at Donna Nobles house, to our final visit to Peterson-Webner bakery then onto our final trip to The Lake House for your Celebration of Life Barbecue and my return trip back to Arizona. What a weekend it was !!!

I sit here tonight thinking about the weather. Pouring rain took control ... our moonlight shining down on Green Lake was dismal with all of the cloud cover. The grass had grown up to our knees and was soaking wet and I worried how were we ever get everything in condition before your "Finest Fifty" would start arriving two days later to celebrate you. We talked for hours as I sat in the rain Friday and Saturday nights ... others thought I had lost my mind, but you and I so often sat on our deck talking into the wee hours of the morning whether it be a peacefully calm night or sitting under the oversized umbrella during a stormy night.

Tonight the sky is cloudless! There is a gentle breeze in the air! But it is HOT, Honey !!! Oh well we can´t have everything.

I´m thinking about you as usual! It´s an everyday occurrence. But today you have two more angels keeping you company, our losses are your gain. First losing your sister, Donna followed by losing Kari. Your family is carrying so much grief right now. I am being a solid support for Ian who I believe is having the most difficult time ... but he knows that even though I am stuck out here in Arizona physically, I am with him virtually and spiritually ... always have been and always will be until the day I die. He has always known I am here for him !!!!!

Kari´s Celebration of Life took place on Wednesday. Hundreds of people attended very similar to Johnny and Jayme´s funeral services so many years ago. Now you really have a "Smiling Section" going on up there !!!!
Smile down on all of earthlings left behind.

Donna´s services will be next weekend, June 1 in Illinois and June 2 in Wisconsin. As you know Donna will rest in the family plot at Weiser. I´ll be saying my Psalm 23 virtually in memory of Donna like I have done so for every family member we have returned to Our Maker. She is there in Heaven because of all the "love and hugs " she is so famous for. Would you give her a spiritual hug for me?

Well, My Big Fella, it is a very long Memorial Day season this year ... send me a dream hug to keep attached .... Like I would ever let it be otherwise.

Love ya, Big Fella, with all of my heart ... then, now and forever !!!

April 11, 2024

Happy 79th Birthday, John !!!

When you lose someone, you don´t lose them all at once and their dying doesn´t stop with their death. You lose them a thousand times, in a thousand ways and say a thousand goodbyes.

After I lost you, time no longer makes sense. Time flies by, but it also feels like yesterday all of the time.

Memories come and go and sights and sounds from years pasts breeze by me. All the time and sometimes, never enough.

I miss you so much, John, and that will never change.

Then, now and forever ...
I love you with all of my heart and soul !!!

December 4, 2023

Good Morning, My Darling !!!
Eighteen down, questionable how many to go !!!

My least favorite day of the year is upon me once again. You would think I would be used to it by now ... but I guess it will never happen.

I still think about how things would be today if you were still here. We would probably still be making Saturdays our errand day. We would have to since you would be keeping us busy running around all week on your favorite adventures. Retirement would be a totally new experience for me, and I might add much more exhausting than when I was still working.

We would be enjoying our beautiful home and glorious backyard. Our roses would be overwhelmingly elegant. You would still be the very best grilled in the world, having never burnt a single item you ever put on the grill or smoker

We would find time to enjoy relaxing and enjoying one of our favorite tv shows, movies or listening to our music. We would be holding hands being grateful that we had one another to lean upon.

But...that was not how it was to be ,,,,,,

You are enjoying your painless existence in the comforts of Heavenly Residency. You deserve that, Sweetheart; but I still wish you were with me. I think about you constantly. I miss even your grumbling days because I knew that once those days were over your charming self would reappear !!!!!

I don´t know if there is time up there in Heaven to think about me, but try to make just a little time for me. Send me a message letting me know that you still love me and miss me. When you get a some time send a little extra love to your family down here. I´m sure it would be appreciated !!!

As I try to continue making it thru this day, remember that I love you with all of my heart and soul ... then, now and forever !!!!

Good morning, Sweetheart!

Another Memorial Day Weekend is upon us and I always want to just sleep it away. The only problem is that I would immediately land continuously dream about you ... making it an even longer, sadder weekend.

I think about you each and every day and wonder what we would be doing if you were still here. We had an idea what our old age would be like, we could never just get there. Doesn´t have to be Memorial Day to have all of these precious moments come to mind

So, thankfully, I have my memories of the years gone by. Many were meant to live on ... others I have tried to dismiss. Fat chance of that happening though ! Memories, good and bad, have a purpose. They are meant to keep our love alive :)

Want to have a spiritual barbecue with me today?

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, then, now and forever !!!!!

Merry Christmas, Honey !
Love you forever and ever !!!

John,

Seventeen years ago our lives would change forever...

Sometimes I wish I could just rewind back to the good old days and press pause ... just for a little while.

I often wonder if you're thinking of me from Heaven as much as I'm thinking of you from here. My mind knows that you are in a better place where there's no pain and suffering, you are at peace. I understand that I just wish I could explain it to my

I hold you close to my heart today. It makes me feel complete. You may have died, but you are not gone ... You will always be a part of me. As long as the sun shines, the wind blows and the rain falls - You will live on inside of me forever and for that is all my heart knows.

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul ... then, now and forever.

Sweetheart,
Another Memorial Day weekend coming to an end .... My memories continue on a daily basis, for these cannot be taken from me. Love continues into eternity, I'm counting on this to be true. Still wishing that I had the last sixteen Memorial Day weekends ... With you here beside me !!!!!
I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul ... then, now and forever !!!!!

Happy Easter, Darlin' !
Peace and Love to all of my heavenly family ! One of these days I'll be there to share in the happy celebrations ... Just not quite yet. Keep a careful eye on me until then.
I carry you in my heart and soul, forever and ever !!!

December 5, 2020

Good morning, Honey,

As you know from above, this has been an overwhelming week for me. I had to get through the tenth anniversary of Doc joining you there in Heaven. I had to get through the loss of my sister, Chickie, who is probably singing up a storm with you in the audience of Heaven. Now I have to get through today, the fifteenth anniversary of your leaving me behind. Like I said, I am overwhelmed with grief this first week of December.

I know that Heaven is the home of peace, joy and love. One day I will be able to join all of you in sharing this peace, joy and love for eternity. In the meantime, I am taking each day, one at a time. I know that I am not deserving of this gift from God yet, but know that the moment He deems me worthy to enter His Kingdom, I will be along side of you for eternity.

Smile down upon me every now and then....continue to send me signs of your love for me from above....and know that I celebrate my memories each and every day. Cherished are those memories, for they carry me through.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul; then, now and forever.

XXX

Happy Anniversary, Mr Blue Eyes !

Fifteen years since you placed our gold bands on our fingers (mine remains exactly where you placed it to this day) and fourteen years since you found your peace entering into Heaven's Eternal Life.

You are forever cradled in the Loving Arms of Our Lord....wish they were my loving arms. Your love is carried in my heart and soul.....continue sending your messages to me, for I am receiving them all.

Keep up the great work, along with Jayme and Johnny, watching over our precious Ian....he has become quite the man. A chip off the old block ... I see so much of you and Johnny in him. He's a young man now, taking the world by storm....he's met a sweet young woman, bought himself his first piece of land and following a good Christian life. You would all be so proud of him. I often thank Sue and Jim for everything they did all these years bringing up such a wonderful young man !

Today, I saw a picture of a snowy day, the river running sluggishly and immediately thought of you and Doc.....remembering how Doc would dive into the cold, snowy river then swim ashore as if it were 80 degrees outside. How I miss those simple things that we were able to make memories of. Yes, John, I live in my memories.....what else do I have ?

I love you, Mr Blue Eyes, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart !
Seventy four years young.....yes, you will be forever young in my eyes. You never wanted to grow old and useless as you would say, but you left just a little bit too soon to suit me. I miss you every day and wish you were still here but I know you are always with me in Spirit. I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy Anniversary, Mr Blue !

Most people don't know this, but today is not only the 14th anniversary of your reaching your final destination....it is also the anniversary of outwardly declaring our love for one another.( Sorry you missed seeing your anniversay card that morning.) So now, everyone knows why this is such a melancholy day for me each year ! Memories of making a trip to the mall was the first surprise...thought you wanted to purchase your bracelet when we entered into Crescent Galleries. Your purchasing our gold bands was the shocker....it took you long enough :) But my band still sits proudly on my left, fourth finger to this day ! This ring is eternity....like my love for you.

This morning I woke up from a beautiful dream. Your mom was welcoming me to the "Lake House". She said that I would always be welcome there and that she was so happy to see that her John had found someone to fill his soul. Remarkable lady is definitely the perfect description of your mom. I only wish that she wasn't just a part of the dream sequence....although I know that you had shared my existence prior to her passing. I often wonder whatever happened to the blue sweater I knit for you and that you gave her to wear while she was reading "to keep her warm on those cold, wintery Wisconsin nights". You always told me that your Dad would have loved me, but now I feel that your Mom would have felt the same.....after all, she just came to me in this dream and told me so.

I want to take this moment to say "Thank You for playing such an important role in my life." Only thing that could be better is if were walking along, hand in hand, like the "old folks" we had looked forward to being. Growing old with you would truly have been great fun, wouldn't it ?

I carry you in my heart and soul, Mr Blue where you will remain through eternity, for ever and ever !!!

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

Happy Father's Day, John !

Doing this for your kids, heavenly and earthly, I know both Debbie and Johnny are grateful that you brought them life. The joy you shared with Ian will never be forgotten.

I know that there were times when it was questionable to you where you stood with Debbie and Johnny throughout their growing up years, but I also know that you tried your hardest to be the best "Dad" you could be. Happy are the wonderful memories you made, especially at the Lake House :)

I know that Johnny got little chance to show Ian what a wonderful Dad he would be. Sometimes I think that God gave Johnny a little something extra to keep his spirit within this amazing young man. Ian carries a stronger love, inside and out, than most people know or will ever experience.

Enjoy your "Dad's Day in Heaven" and say "Happy Father's Day" to Johnny as well. You both have a lot to be proud of !

Memorial Day, 2018

Hi, Honey !

Yes, it's Memorial Day Weekend once again. Time for remembering those we have lost.....but I don't need Memorial Day to come around for every day is a day of remembering for me.

It's hard to believe how much has changed since my last Memorial Day as a "Carlson". Twelve years have passed since your Celebration of Life took place. I guess everyone is still making the trip to Big Green to start the summer season. I know that Ian has taken after you with his love of Green Lake and the wonderful opportunities that it has afforded him over the years. One summer was difficult for Ian because his job kept him from the many trips he always enjoyed making it up to the Evans' Lake House. It's hard for me to believe that Ian is twenty years old already.....seems like it was just yesterday that you cradled him in your arms as a newborn. Now he's attending college studying Agriculture. We had a long talk about this a few years ago when he was telling me about working at the farm in Iowa when he finished school. I tried to tell him then that getting formal education, added to the "on the job training" was vital in today's age. Guess Jim and Sue did a little persuading into the seriousness of school too. No matter, he seems happy with the decisions he is making. I don't get to chat with him much anymore....for he is such a busy guy and I don't see him on Facebook too much. Facebook private messaging was the constant we had for many years. It was always a place I could remind him of upcoming events that he would need to acknowledge like birthdays and anniversaries for family members. I always told him how important family is. I wish I were in the Midwest so that I could spend time with him like in his younger years.

I wish I was in the Midwest, closer to family and friends. No one has been to Arizona, at least that I know of, since you passed away. But thanks to your showing me the "research directives of Google" I am able to attempt to keep up with who, what, where and when back home. Amanda and Darren have become parents to a beautiful child. I saw a picture of Amanda and the baby on her "public entry" on Facebook earlier this month. I'm so happy for them ! Your sister, Donna, must be in seventh heaven being a Grandmother :) I have tried to contact her to congratulate her but she hasn't returned my call. She's got a lot on her plate with all of the grandchildren she and Larry now have. I'll bet that the Carlson Lake House is filled with a whole lot of love. Carrying on from where your parents left off, Green Lake is a great experience for all of the young people to live through. This makes me think of the pictures of your folks, you and Debbie and Johnny at the cottage. It was always my way for sharing your folks and kids with you. Happy are the memories of the kids, inbound on the pier holding their prized catches with either you or your dad in the background. Pretty soon there will be photo albums filled with memories of the current "Carlson Lake House" festivities. Wish I could be a part of them....that's okay I can have them in my mind like the days when you would go with the kids during the summer months. I don't have to be there to enjoy their happiness.

The last couple of nights I have spent time sitting on the back patio talking to you. Memories of our last visits that took place at Green Lake always bring mixed emotions of gladness and sadness. At least here in Arizona I don't have to sit in the pouring rain while we visit. We still have all of the stars in the sky to share. You are up there looking down on me and I am down here looking up to you. Twinkle twinkle little star, how I wonder......hopefully, it won't be too much longer before we can be reunited and be able to both look down on our families having wonderful lives. Won't that be our "happy time" once again.

Well, John, I'm going to sign off now. I just wanted to a few minutes and place an entry here in your legacy. I will be thinking of you and sending loving wishes your way this Memorial Day !

Always remember how much I love you, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy 73rd Birthday, Darlin'!

.....and how is the partying going on up in Heaven ? You know that it is not complete since I'm not there yet to celebrate with all of you (: I will celebrate your life down here....the best way I can. I'll sit in the sunlight (it's only 100 degrees out today) and visit with your beautiful sunflowers. Yes, I still have your sunflowers in my memory garden....as you are always in the memory of my heart and soul :) I miss you, Sweetheart, each and every day. There is always something around me that reminds me of "the happy days" we spent together here on Earth.

I'm sending to you spiritually a great big (HUG) and lots of kisses. May your birthday bring beautiful memories to others minds letting them remember how "Big John" meant so much to their lives as well.

I love you, Darlin', with all of my heart and soul, now and ever !!!!!

Happy Birthday to You !!!

Merry Christmas, Sweetheart !

I'm in a truly melancholy mood.....so what is new about this ? All day so many memories have flown through my mind, but my favorite memory was our Green Lake Carlson Christmas.

You always knew how important family was to me. We were living in our little house on Oak Court at the time. Christmastime was upon us and you agreed that we could host Christmas for the family at the Carlson Family Lake House on Lake Shore Drive...just two blocks away from our home. It was going to be a very special Christmas !!!!

I spent two days cleaning and decorating the Lake House. Every window was alit with gentle, colorful lights. The fireplace (though we were not allowed a real fire burning for safety reasons) was aglow via the multi-candle display we placed within the hearth (still got our warmth and beauty, didn't we). Festive tablecloths adorned tables enough to seat everyone comfortably for our family Christmas Eve dinner. There were beautiful centerpieces placed appropriately throughout the house bringing the spirit of the holiday into each and every room. Music filled the house which truly felt like home.

One by one the Carlson Family arrived. Donna and Amanda, Roy and Las, Julie and Katie and Eric...I know that your mom and dad were smiling down to see their four children sharing in the spirit of this wonderous season.

Debbie arrived with her gentleman friend, Mike. I told you that night that you were meeting your "son-in-law to be" and you laughed at me explaining that I had whimsical dreams. But as usual, I let you think you think that you were right. Everyone got settled into their designated room and prepared for the evening's activities.

Cordials and punch were to begin the festivities. You made your dad's famous Swedish Meatballs. Herring, Wisconsin Cheddar cheese and crackers and naturally, my mom's famous garlic dip and chips had to grace the appetizer table.

I had prepared a beautiful roast beef and mashed potatoes with lumpless gravy. Your sister, Donna, made fresh green bean salad and perfect crescents. Debbie made the most beautiful relish tray I had ever seen (in fact, you told me that night that when your celebration of life would take place in the future, Debbie's relish tray had to be a part of it). Julie furnished a beautiful jello mold and sweet, simple Swedish cookies for the occasion. Of course, we had to complete the meal with wine and Webner's Danish Layer cake.

After dinner, Mike and I went into the kitchen for dish duty. I still laugh to this day when I think how Mike fought with me to wash the dishes until he found out how HOT the water was that I used for washing the dishes. He was better at drying than me anyway. We thought that this time would allow you and your family to enjoy family time. The two of us got the kitchen cleaned up faster than a single load of the dishwasher would have taken....enjoying the chore the whole time.

Family gift exchange took place. We had suggested a grab bag gift exchange with a $25.00 limit to each gift. I still cherish the beautiful, purple ornament I received that night. Everyone shared and cared. This is what family is all about. Funny, no one can ever take away our memories no matter how innocent they might be. This was one of the happiest Christmases of my life. I truly felt a part of the Carlson Family.

Many years have now gone by. Donna has expanded her family to include Larry, Steven, Megan and their three kids. Amanda is now married to Darren and building a family of her own. Roy is with you in heaven and hopefully, Las is happy in his life. Julie's family continues to grow. Katie and her husband and children, I'm sure bring a lot of love and happiness into Julie's life). Eric is still Eric (better keep your eyes on him). Debbie has a beautiful life with Mike, his daughters/sons-in-law and their children. Our Ian could not share our memorable Christmas so many years ago, but he is now a grown man who has shared so many wonderful Christmases of his own with the Evans Clan. I keep all of your family in my heart and my prayers daily. Although I don't see anyone anymore living out here in Arizona, my spirit is there in Illinois.

God has been good to everyone and may this Christmas season continue to bring joy and happiness to all of them.

So, Sweetheart, today I have to share this memory with you long distance... though you are never far from me, for you are forever in my heart and soul.

Merry Christmas, Sweetheart !

it's hard to believe that you have been gone for 12 years now.in my mind, we are still back in riverside drinking beers and driving fast, listening to loud music blasting from your '63 super sport conv., many of my good friends from those days have gone, but what's left of my brain and memory, still remembers those good times.so, i'm hoisting a cold one for you right now, and save me a seat at the bar, rock n roll brother, Jeff

John,

Twelve long years have passed since we were being forced to say our final good-bye...but those words were never spoken. Instead, "always remember how much I love you" was our final exchange as I held you in my arms, passing into peacefulness.

I cherish these words to this very moment. Looking into your beautiful blue eyes and a gentle kiss was how it all began and how it would all end. But we had so much love to share, although we kept it our "private love affair" for soooo long. There is an empty place in my heart and soul that will remain empty until we are together again, joined once again for eternity. You are still in my heart and thoughts each and every day.

In April, I thought that perhaps I would be giving you a special birthday gift. But, the Lord decided that alas it was not to be. I have not completed the task yet that He has assigned to me. I sit here continuing to await our reunion. I'm getting old now. My health is beginning to fail, but my will and spirit carry me through. Continue to keep me in your spiritual embrace...yes, I can feel it from beyond. Until then,

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

"Do I love you because you're wonderful....or are you wonderful because I love you " Rodgers and Hammerstein 1965

December 4, 2016

Hi, Sweetheart !

Been a while since I've been here....find it too difficult to put into writing the feelings I carry within so many days of each year....because it always says lonely !

You have been gone eleven years now but to me it is still yesterday. I have had so many changes in my life throughout all eleven of them...but there is still one constant, I still love you with all of my heart and soul !!!

Miss you more than anyone would, or could, ever know.....and cannot wait until I get up to Heaven and see all of my favorites once again !

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever !!!!!!!

Hi Honey,

Happy Thanksgiving !

I just wanted you to know that my one special thank you is for having had the opportunity to share my life with you. There isn't a single day that goes by that you are not in my thoughts and prayers......awaiting the day when we can "hold hands" once more.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy 70th Birthday, Honey !

I'll bet you are raising "hell" up there with everyone....why change now? Right? Right !
I'm sending you a special birthday card....especially for you.....I know you will understand.....

I'm sending a dove to heaven with a parcel on its wings;
be careful when you open it,
it's full of beautiful things.
Inside are a million kisses
wrapped up in a million hugs;
To say how much I miss you
and to send you all my love.
I hold you close within my heart
and there you will remain;
to walk with me throughout my life,
until we meet again :)

Happy Birthday, Honey.....I love you with all of my heart and soul, now and forever !!!!!!!

John,
A million times I needed you,
A million times I cried;
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died.
In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still,
In my heart I hold a place,
That only you can fill.

It broke my heart to lose you
But you didn't go alone,
As part of me went with you,
The day God took you home.

It's the wee hours of the morning....it is cold and rainy outside....our star is hiding behind the clouds....nine years have passed, yet it feels like just yesterday....Always remember that I love you with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.....

April 11, 2014

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart !

Let's pretend you are here to celebrate ! I will ask Tommy to bring the Portillo's beef for sandwiches, I will ask Andrea Johnson to bake a Raspberry-Rubarb Pie .....will have a little bit of trouble getting most of your friends to attend my party for you, since they are now celebrating with you in heaven. So hard for me to believe we have lost you, "Doc", Bob, John, Barb and Val.....but I'm sure you're all having a grand old time at "Heaven's Gate" tavern.

I think about you and Doc all the time.....have my two lockets on twenty-four/seven these days. Have fun chatting with Ian on the computer often and keep you current in his memory. He will always know about his Grandpa Carlson and how much you love(d) him....so hard to believe he's sixteen years old already. He definitely follows in his father and grandfather's shoes....interested in fishing, hunting and CARS ! He will be driving a truck, which makes me happier. It will be safer than these little cars are today.

Johnny and I will be moving out on our own soon. Have spent the last three and a half years sharing a home with Tommy and his family. It's time for a little privacy again....and quiet. We'll stay in the same sub-division, maybe find a little ranch to rent like our home in Chandler was. Need to stay in the neighborhood to be backup help to Tom with Brandon. The "Little Guy" is amazing...eight years old now. He has designated me as his "Special Pal". I love it!!! Help me from above, don't want to make any wrong decisions down here.

Well, anyway, Happy Birthday, Sweetheart.....my gift is always the same to you.....

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Hi Honey!

Well, today is a very special day in your little girl's life....but she isn't so little anymore! Debbie has reached another milestone and I only wish that things were different and that you and I were there to celebrate her 50 wonderful years! I know how very proud you have always been and how much you have always loved your little girl...hopefully she had a wonderful day! Continue to look down upon her and Mike and keep them safe and happy.....

PS: Never forget that I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy New Year, Sweetheart!

2014....a new beginning....again!
Lead me in the right direction, making the right decisions and taking the right direction throughout this new year upon us! Want to forget sooo much from the past and build sooo much happiness in the days to come. Come along with me for the ride! It should be exciting!

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Merry Christmas, Honey !

This is my ninth Christmas without you here to share in the blessings of the day!

What are you and Doc doing up there today? Same thing as usual, I'll bet..and having a ball doing it. This is my fourth Christmas since you and Doc were rejoined....I hope he is listening to you now. :) I still "feel Doc at my feet" while I watch TV...tell him "Momma's feet are cold". As usual, I still wish we were all together enjoying the holiday...but the day will come when we WILL get to join each other for all of the days !

Typical weather in Wisconsin and Arizona for Christmas....only a 60 degree difference in the temperature today. I spent a little time outside, under the sun, watching the neighborhood children riding on their toys from Santa...boy, things sure have changed. It seemed like every kid, no matter how young or old, were riding the electric scooters and four-wheelers. Little Brandon thinks it's "way kool!" I still believe in children's style toys, after all Brandon is only seven. He has plenty of time to get into the motorized vehicles....and I believe even you would agree with me on this, Mr. Speedy Gonzales ! I laugh at this moment just thinking about you and that crazy, hot-rod wheelchair. I thought, as well as all of the neighbors, how crazy you were. Of course, you and Doc thought it was great as you went for your evening "walks". Only once you let me go with you guys, since you noticed that I could only run the length of one house as the two of you were five houses further down the street....and you two let me walk home all by myself. Thought it was funny didn't you guys? Now I think it was funny too....but you notice I never went for the evening walks after that night !

I still communicate with Ian, sometimes by phone but mainly through our Facebook pages. It's amazing how he has grown into such a fine, young man. I often look at the pictures from Angie's wedding this year. Ian appears everywhere. Unlike you, Ian is quite the dancer....danced with all of the lovely ladies, young and old alike. He definitely takes after his Grandpa Carlson as far as being the cordial, fun-loving and extraordinary individual in a crowded room. He's got one on you though, he dances! What a charmer! It's hard to believe that he's going to be sixteen years old in another six weeks. I'm sure that Sue and Jim are already preparing themselves for the driving to begin...I do trust Ian to take his driving seriously. He has witnessed through the years the damages caused by irresponsible drivers. I'm going to send something special to him for his 16th.

Well, I made it to my formal old age, Honey. Got my first social security check yesterday....oh, Honey, I can live like a normal human being again! Been a rough few years here, but have survived it...did you not think I would do you? Gutsy woman here! Gutsy woman hangs in there 'til the end!

Surprises for Christmas this year, as you already know, and I am truly grateful....my Mom made her's heartfelt and so special! Go on over and give my Mom a great big hug and kiss from me. While you're at it there's a great (BIG HUG) and kiss from me to you and Doc.

Merry Christmas, Honey, always remember that I love you with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

John:

Moving on doesn't mean you forget about things. It just means you have to accept what happened and continue living. Sweetheat, moving on....I found this quote about moving on earlier today. I realize the importance of moving on and letting memories live on in my heart...BUT...I've always been one who has trouble moving on.

So much has happened over these past eight years, some good and so many more not so good. I never give in to the insecurities that avail...I don't know how to let go. Surprised? Of course, you're not surprised !

I still wake up every morning wondering if there will ever be a truly happy day again. I miss my life as it used to be. I miss OUR life as it used to be. I think about moving back to Illinois (where we began), to Wisconsin (where we grew so strong), or to perhaps stay here in Arizona (where you enjoyed your happiest days in oh so many years)...only problem is, I don't feel like I belong in any of these choices since you're gone.

Funny how much people wanted to be a part of OUR LIFE....it just isn't the same anymore. See you were the good within me and I was the good within you...for TOGETHER we were such a good thing !

Now don't get mad at me...I keep on trying to move on and perhaps one day I will suceed in attaining this goal. Although you are gone, you will always be in my heart.

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

XXX

Sunday, 2013

Sweetheart:

We were so fortunate to have had that opportunity to say the words "I Love You", to hold one another so closely, to live so many beautiful days within the powers of Mother Nature, to be able to do that one little thing to make the bad days go by quicker and the good days last a little longer, to share quality time together coupled with quantity time near the end, to have the opportunity to be able to grant the simplest of wishes.....yes, we had so much given to us throughout your final years! How fortunate I was to have had you in my life for 34 years....even considering all of the challenges presented and that we went through during those years. Our souls were bonded on that wonderful day we met...and will remain bonded throughout eternity.

I sit here this morning, as early as it be, reliving our final Memorial Day together. It's hard to put the sad part behind me, but I still keep trying. I want to remember the happy and beautiful days...days where love and understanding were the rules of the game. Sharing a warm smile, a gentle touch, a true understanding of the beings within...such fond memories! I still pull out our photo albums, particularly on the restless nights when you visit me. Love is what fills the pages of these books. I'm still missing a few of my favorites, but I've come to believe that it was meant for someone who really needed these favorites to come in contact with them at your Celebration of Life. I have them imbedded in my brain, somewhere no one can extract them from. I must admit though that the three generation of Carlson men photo that is missing tugs at my heart a little. You know the reasons why this pic was particularly special to me. Maybe someday I'll be able to get another copy of it from someone who has one.

Now, let's get back to what I'm supposed to be doing here. The weather today is completely the opposite of seven years ago.....
I had been up all night long, sitting in the rain, praying that everything would go exactly as you planned it. This morning I am sitting on the patio, in the peace of the quietness. There are so many stars to see above, amazingly, since there is the fullest moon. There is a gentle breeze and the minute degree of humidity in the air. I close my eyes and transport my mind back to Green Lake and the tranquility of gentle waves crashing against the seawall...I know you are sitting there with me, experiencing this peaceful beauty within me. I feel you and Doc with me....today, every day! I will be so happy when the three of us are all together once again. Yeah, it's lonely down here all alone :( But I will keep my faith, knowing that a great big :) will once again adorn my face. I know that this may seem like a really strange question to ask, but I often wonder if you guys miss me (or are you enjoying Heaven too much to think about ole Momma down here)? Funny experience, last night I colored my whites/grays...and as I left the bathroom upon completing my chore, I felt myself chuckle as I thought about the kick you and Doc always got at my expense. "Hey there, we'd better get rid of the young broad before the old broad gets home from work!" You would sit there laughing out loud while you simultaneously hugged Doc who was keeping you company on my side of the bed. Little things like your comment meant sooooo much to me back then, and their memory means so much to me still today. Remember how I told you I wasn't afraid to get Alzheimer disease...I live so much in the past. My memories are vivid! I often wish that I were still 40 years younger than today....what a magnificent time in my lifetime. And think about all of the time we would have to "do it all again". Well, at least most of it would be fun to do again. I think that I could take a pass on all of the "horrid days" you experienced; yet, I would be there to see you through them ALL this time around.

So, Sweetheart, I send you my love, my heart and my mind on this my seventh Memorial Day without you. May your peace be plentiful. May your soul be filled with all of the love I send your way. May God send me the grace necessary to continue to carry-on whatever my life's journey entails.

Always remember:
I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Hi Honey!

Thanks for the special gift that I received today from you.......you always appear at the right time!

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

April ll, 2013

Happy Birthday, Honey!

Well, today is your 68th birthday....I'll bet you are really enjoying it up there with your folks, Johnny and Jayme, all of our buddies up there and of course, our sweet Doc. This is the eighth birthday I've been without you here on Earth....but you're still missed each and every one of them down here. What I would give to see you blow out those 68 candles, no 69 candles (one for good luck). I talk with friends and you are still missed much more than you would ever realize. You had such a fantastic impact on so many of us down here.

I spent a lot of time today thinking about our days gone by...sitting on the Oak Drive deck, looking down onto Big Green as the morning sun begins to rise, enjoying our first cup of coffee of the day....how peaceful and breathtaking. This is probably one of the finest memories we built together. I'm sure that you are smiling down on me right now thinking "what is wrong with this woman still being so sentimental. It's gonna be a hot day in Arizona today...thankfully the air is clear which will make it more bearable, and summer is not even upon us yet. (But being in the high 80's in April is still pretty much something to deal with.) A little bit of the cool breeze from the lake would feel pretty good right now....do you think you could somehow arrange it for me?
I'm not sure what you will be up to today to celebrate your 68th....but I will spend it trying to keep happy thoughts and maybe do something nice for one of the neighbors....promise I won't sit around sulking all day. But whatever I do, I will continue to remember the good, old days that we were so fortunate to have share with one another.
So, now go on and put on your "birthday wings" and fly about heaven celebrating your day with those we love, always remembering that....

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Sweetheart,

Yes, the seasons they go on and on…..We cant return, we can only look behind from where we came…

Forty one years ago we began our special journey, one filled with friendship and companionship. Simple, private, and definitely not one of ordinary nature. Always there when needed would probably best describe our relationship . Promises made, promises broken. Yet through to the end, love and loyalty was all that ever mattered. Seven years have come and gone now. A full life cycle has completed itself ounce again. You once gave me a special poem, “I'll Be There For You”. I carry it with me always and still depend on those words. Faith says to believe that one's love and its feelings go with you as you enter into eternity. Know that my love is still carried within your soul, as your love still lives within my heart.

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

PS Here's my hug and kiss for you. Please give one to Doc for me too. I miss you guys soooooooo much.

Hi Sweetheart!

Well, another Memorial Day holiday has taken place. This day has its own special meaning for us, as you well know. Hard for me to believe that it has been six years now since I was at Green Lake. Your sister Donna always puts my flower into the lake for you, while I sit here peacefully sharing our quiet time together. Here is a hug and a kiss from me to you (and give one to our little Doc, would you?) May their energy make it all the way to you.....to the moon and back as some would say. I'll be waiting for mine :)

But now, we have something else we can share on this date. Ian graduates from grammar school today....can you believe it is already this time. Onward and upward. On to new adventures and beginnings for him. I know that you are probably bursting at the seams with pride of this wonderful, young man and all of his accomplishments to date. Ian has come so far, thanks to the extraordinary love that Sue and Jim, Gloria and Mike and all of the kids have shown him these past fourteen years. He is definitely Johnny and Jaymie's boy wonder! Each time we chat, whether it's on the phone or on the computer, the entire time is filled with love and beauty. Yes, simply love and beauty! Thank you for allowing me the privilege of becoming a part of Ian's life. He will always know just how much his Grandpa Carlson has, and always will, love him !!!

Today is also little Brandon's kindergarten graduation. Talk about miracles! You've seen it all from above. Thanks for giving me the extra, mental encouragement from beyond.

Aren't we the fortunate ones to have had these two wonderful boys in our lives !!!

Now back to you, Sweetheart.....
The sun is shining bright, the winds are gentle and I find peace in my heart today. Never thought you would hear me say that, would ya? This past year has been a long, difficult year...but it was survived. Now you can get out from under my feet...I can stand on both of them all by myself. But never stop standing beside me, for the strength of your loving arms and gentle eyes will always carry my entire being!

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memory, so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you're there
A breath away not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
'Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me from up above

You keep those beautiful, blue eyes of yours on me. You hold me close with your now strong, uncrippled hands. You let me kiss your slim, upper lip after telling you how much I love you. Then you put on your great, big grin and let out a rich, deep laugh.... then blow out your candles on your eternal birthday cake...yes, for now your lungs are free and clear.

Finally, with your heart complete and working overtime, feel my love from here below and know that you are my forever love.

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

My Beloved:

You left my arms six years ago today...never to return home again. My life changed forever that day.

We met four decades ago...
A long time, most would say;
But I can remember each moment,
Of that very first day!

Why did you have to go?
We were finally able to enjoy our love;
But who was to know....
It would be me down here and you up above.

I know we have to accept
Whatever time God is willing to give;
Of me, you will know what to expect,
I will love you until the last day I live.

This past year, Doc has been sharing in your heavenly happiness. My boys are together as well it should be.

Yes, my life changed forever starting that day. I no longer have our beautiful yard, with its array of precious flowers and bushes. The park was destroyed by the microburst that passed through Chandler last October. But these were really your special places with Doc...fortunate for me, I was able to share them with the two of you. My moments of tranquility were spent at these special places. Our home now houses a family with four young boys...Katherine misses the quietness to say the least.


Now I sit in my room, though limited in space. I never really did need much to keep me happy, did I? ( I think our happiest days were spent in our Princeton home...smaller than even our Lombard apartments when we first met.) As long as I have your voice on the answering machine, my photographs of you and Doc and a few mementoes surrounding me, I find comfort on the loneliest of days.

There is not a single day that I don't think about you...for you live within my heart and my soul!

I love you, My Beloved, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

P.S.
I sent Ian your book "Going God's Way". He's almost fourteen now, the same age you were when your Mom and Dad gave the book to you. Ian is sooooo much like you and Johnny! Johnny and Jayme would be so proud of him. Thanks to all of the Carlson Clan up there for watching over this amazing, young man.

Hi Honey!

Went out in the yard early this morning to catch a glimps at the meteors...such a sight to behold. Thought about you and Doc and all of the happy days we shared together, especially our days at Green Lake. Today's sky is now as blue as your eyes....wonderfully, blue!
As I close my eyes, I revisit the joy and love I always saw in your eyes.

I still have your message on the answering machine so that I can hear your voice every time the phone rings. I still cannot go a single day without thinking about you and wondering what the day would have been like if you were still here. I think we would have really had a wonderful "old age" if we had only been given the chance.

Well, I'm another year older, another decade has gone by. I remember how I teased you when you hit 60....how you never thought you would make it that far. Well, you surprised them all, didn't you! Guess I really did do a good job taking good care of you, didn't I? Remember your surprise party when we lived in our Oak Court house? I still cannot believe that I was able to pull that one off on you...that was one of the happiest days with our lake friends in my memories. Now so many of you are together in Heaven, hopefully watching down on all of us still here on Earth. To be honest, I didn't think that I would make it this long either. Takes a lot out of a person when you spend your life taking care of those you love, and once they leave you there is only one feeling left... lonely. I just look forward to the day that our little family can once again be all together.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Memorial Day 2011
Good Morning, John!
It's been a long time since I spoke these words to you....but feels like it was just yesterday.
The sun is shining brightly, so different from so many of the Memorial Days back in the Midwest. Our last Midwest Memorial Day weekend began with so much rain that the Lake House grass was knee high. It took a tractor to cut it that day...my feet squished into the wet ground as I laid out the pier poles and pushed pier sections out toward the seawall preparing for Deb and Mike’s arrival while the rain was still falling. Four nights of rain, thank God it stopped in time for your bar-b-que. Yes, Memorial Day is here once again and I celebrate the memory of your Celebration of Life Bar-B-Que weekend. I want you to know that I tried my best to do everything you asked, exactly as you asked in the end. My life would never be the same again. I no longer feel like the loving, caring, sharing person that my life represented. My broken heart has been filled with loneliness, hurt and emptiness. You always had a love/hate for this weekend. You loved the fact that people would be coming up to start the summer season at Green Lake and all of the time that you would be able to spend with your friends and family; yet, you hated the lack of peace and quietness that we had the rest of the year. Ironically, you were always BIG JOHN, the life of the party. Guess you mellowed with age. I wish that I had you strength and self-esteem. No matter how rough it got, you always had the guts to keep going.
Green Lake…our life…what was meant to be a new beginning began at this wonderous place. Serenity in fulfillment. Soft waters so clear that you could play with the fish—no need for rods and reels. Waves rocking the boat as if a baby’s cradle—gentle and soothing. The lake foam forming on its crest like a child making raspberries with joy and happiness. We could feel the coolness of the wind’s breeze on a bright, sunny day. We could feel the softness of the gentle blue sky as it reflected upon the water…
Five years ago I was to complete my final task for you. Your bar-b-que was to celebrate a man’s life…a Big Man…Big John’s life. It was supposed to be a happy day---friends and family sharing the wonder of you. A day remembering fishing and hunting trips by the “fabulous four”, stories about how “rockers” jammed at the Thorndike cottage all night long after being stranded on Hwy 23, talks of friendships commenced at Centerhouse, Fish Fries, All You Can Eat Chicken nights and the best Prime Rib dinner on earth. Thoughts of picnics and bar-b-ques where friends would skeet shoot allowing Doc to show his special gifts of retrieval, yet gentleness. (How I wish Doc had been able to be at your Celebration…he belonged there more than anyone else!) So many lifelong friends and new friends. You had a full life, John—good times and bad times—you always survived whatever challenges came your way. Your friendships were real and forever lasting. I was so proud to see 50 people gather to show their respect for you. Everyone you wanted there attended. In the end you had made peace with a few that others couldn’t understand why they were invited. One thing I can say is that you never held a grudge against those who hurt you.
This is the one trait of yours that I’m having a little difficulty with right now. “The Lone Fisherman” picture that I took at Green Lake right after your burial sits on my dresser along side of our picture from Deb and Mike’s wedding. This is the first thing I see each morning as I awake….guess you would call it my morning greeting. Your love of fishing in Green Lake, most times all alone, brought you tranquility. I still don’t know why you never let me go out with you….no, maybe this was the reason. You wanted your love of Green Lake to remain “your” experience.
I sit here today, letting my memories keep me company. I wish I were able to be there at Green Lake, joining our spirits as I wade in the waters along the seawall. I hold “The Lone Fisherman” to my heart, close my eyes and tell you from my innermost being…my heart’s emptiness will end once we are reunited again.
I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy 66th Birthday, Honey!

The sun is shining brightly in the cool air. Just your kind of day! I'm sure that the weather is perfect where you are though and that you and Doc will enjoy each moment of this day. If you two get a moment, maybe you could glance down and send a hug and a smile. I wish we could all be together today to celebrate your special day.

Today I thank God for every joy, for all of the love and fun, and for having had the opportunity to be a part of your life for so many years.

Locked in my heart's treasure box are my memories.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy 66th Birthday, Honey!

The sun is shining brightly in the cooled air. This is just your kind of day! I'm sure the weather is perfect there for you and Doc to enjoy this day together. If you two get a moment, glance down and shoot me a smile.

Today I thank God for every joy, for all the love and fun, and for the opportunity of being a part of your life for so many years. I only wish you could be here to celebrate with me ....locked in my heart's treasure box are our memories.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

1/1/11

To My Darling, John:

A New Year's wish to you and Doc!
I'll bet you two had an absolute ball up there as the new year began! We were all together here, at least in the spiritual sense. It was tough being without my favorites...but our little new year's snowman giggling brought a bittersweet moment at the striking of midnight. I never knew just how much this little toy meant until now.

Brandon spent the night with Auntie Donna. He is such a wonderful little boy! He helped me make boxes for packing before we spent the night watching TV. I was amazed at how much he enjoyed listening to classical music on a New Year's special from Lincoln Center. He was so attentive and learned all of the instruments played by the symphony orchestra. He especially liked the Piano Concerto #1 that was highlighted. I think that he will play either the piano or violin when he gets older since it was obvious that they were his favorite instruments. Then we watched Rockin'the New Year from Times Square that Dick Clark still produces. It is unbelievable how well Dick is doing in his recovery from his stroke. Instead of just being on for the countdown, he actually participated throughout the entire show for the first time in several years. At midnight Brandon found our little snowman and began the countdown like we used to do. I couldn't get it out of his hands from then on....he even put it next to him when he went to sleep! This morning I had to explain to him that we had to put the snowman away until next year when he would be able to "play with it" again. You know that it won't be that long before I press the little hand to get a little "giggle" when I'm down, just as you used to do for me.

Well, 1/1/11 is here and a whole new beginning is taking place. Two more weeks and I will be leaving our home in Chandler and moving in with Tom, Teresa, Brandon and Johnny in the Ford Family Compound in Queen Creek. This will be really big change for me, but you know that I will adapt. Since I am now the matriarch of the Arizona family I have been given the priviledge of the first floor master bedroom....old lady can't do stairs anymore. Aren't you glad you have to be with an "old lady" ? Never thought I would use those words to descibe myself...after all I was always the youngest, old lady in the world, remember? Goes to show you!

Please continue to keep a good eye on me. I feel your spiritual strength. I feel your love from above. You will always be the love of my life, John!

Momma loves her little Doc, the most wonderful doggie in the whole, wide world!

I love you, My Darling,John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Holidays are tough...wish heaven had a phone, so I could hear your voice again.

I thought of you today...but that's nothing new. I thought of you yesterday and the days before that too. I think of you in silence and often speak your name. All I have are memories and pictures in a frame. (I found this and I am putting this in here in Donna's honor)

We miss you too John, We will soon be Donna's roommate and she will be living in a beautiful home with our family with Johnnie too! You would definately approve, it's a beautiful home....she deserves to live like this for all she has done in her life....

I hope you and Doc are having a ball up there in Heaven... I'm sure he was so happy to see daddy...We were sad to see him go, but we knew where he was going and who was waiting for him.....

We think of you often......

Love you.......The Tom Ford Family

John:
It has been five years now…..long, lonely years to say the least. They say that it gets easier as each day passes, but I never believed what THEY say because most times THEY are wrong. Each loss has taken a little piece of my heart. Some were small pieces, some were very large pieces. You know which of these descriptions pertains to which of my losses. I now know how you felt having only half of your heart functioning. I feel so lost and alone now. I try to keep positive memories going through my heart and mind….some days this seems nearly impossible. Up until now I had always had our little buddy to keep me going…what am I to do now? Although, I’m happy that you have all of your loved ones to keep you company now, I am unhappy that I only have my memories . I know that I should be grateful for this but right now my memories just make me sadder. I miss you, your kindness and your loving strength sooooooo much.

I hope that the faith I have always carried within me is truly what heaven is like. A place of peace and solitude. A beautiful garden above, where all of us can wander about in happiness. A place where we can hold hands once again, take a quiet stroll and talk to one another about how much we love one another and how happy we will be throughout eternity. A place where sadness and loneliness no longer exist.

A candle is burning in your memory today. Is it okay if we share it with Doc too?

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Sweetheart:

Our angel is with you now. I believe that he was anxious to join you in heaven. He will no longer have to suffer, although he had never, ever complained. I was with him until the very end, telling him how much you and I love him. I told him that you would be taking good care of him now for me, after all, I have been taking good care of him for the last five years since you left us. My faith is getting me through this knowing that Doc chose today to be his day to join you. I will now have another angel up above to watch over me.

Now both of you take a nice walk together....after all you both have no handicaps to keep you from doing so!

I love you, Sweetheart, and our little Doc, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

I loved you then....
I love you now....
I will love you forever!

Honey:

Do you know what are the happiest moments of my day, each and every day......they are the moments I spend remembering back to the days we spent together. No one will ever be able to take away these precious memories.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Sweetheart:

It's almost 39 years since we first met and I want you to know, I remember that day as if it were yesterday.

Whenever I write to you in this Legacy, I always sign it.....
I love you with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.
These words are not just words....it is my heart opening up to you. You are still the love of my life.

I opened up my heart even more than usual today....I hope you are proud of me. I really don't think family and friends realize just how much you and I loved one another. You have been my one and only true love...from the moment we met. I will treasure you until the day I die.

It only took a moment
For our eyes to meet and then
My heart knew in a moment
I would never be alone again

You held me for an instant
But your arms felt sure and strong
It only took a moment
To know that I would be loved my whole life long.

I will recall until time runs out
That it only took a moment
To be loved a whole life long!

Thank you for loving me!

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

April 11, 2010

Today is your birthday, John!

Yes, it is your 65th birthday…..
I will continue to celebrate your life today.

When I see your face in my mind
You are all I ever needed to find
All I know of love is in your voice
You are in the stars shining through
I have so much love, in my heart for you.

I see your soul in your eyes
Let me say to you what I know is true
All I am, is because of you
Days come and go, yet I will be
To my end, forever in love with you

All I know of love, is in your name
I call at night, I hold you in my arms
Across the distance to your heart
Keep me safe in your heavenly embrace

Your arms always held me to your chest
So I could rest and make the best
Of my still loving you.
So stay with me, in my soul
Now and forever, never let me go.

It's funny how you seem as if you're right next door
when you're really half a world away
I just can't seem to find all of the words I'm looking for
and to say the things that I want to say
I can't remember when I felt so close to you
it's almost more than I can bear
And though I’m a million miles from you
you're still in my heart and living there


I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Honey:

Thank you for hearing my prayers.
Thank you to all of you, our heavenly family, for assisting in transitioning Roy to his eternal peace. His suffering is over now and he will be able to enjoy life everlasting. I believe that he has been met with open, loving arms by all of you.
Please continue to send your heavenly grace to those left behind, that they will be able to cope with their grief in the days ahead. Give them the strength to accept this loss knowing that Roy is in a better place now that he has completed his earthly journey.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

March 29,2010

Sweetheart:

I'm sending this note to you tonight at the request of your sister, Donna.
Your strength and love is needed tonight....not for her, but for your entire family.
Donna called to let me know that Roy is hospitalized again. He is not doing well....how well you and I understand what he is going through right now. The entire time Donna was speaking, I relived the many "scary hospital days" we went through over our many years together. Roy, just like you were, is being as tough as a Carlson always is. This has probably been Roy's roughest go round to date though. You know that I am one that never gives up...refuses to stop believing in surviving when everyone else gives in. You taught me what it means to be strong.
Well, your brother needs that special strength that kept you going! He needs to know that he is loved and that he needs to love. He needs to believe that whatever is ahead, he will have the support from not just those here on Earth but all of the strength and grace that all of you in Heaven can send into his spirit. He needs to take in all of the love and concern that everyone in his life, currently and from the past, have to offer. It is vital for Roy to gain the inner strength he needs to overcome this critical time of his life. He needs to believe that there is so much more for him to accomplish and that he needs to get stronger so that he can fulfill his purpose for being here.
Roy has so much love within himself. Like you, he forgets to let others in. He doesn't realize how much positive is still out there for him to take within himself. He has a wonderful, loving son who still needs him.
No matter which way the Lord decides to lead him, Roy needs to know that he is loved by his Lord, Jesus Christ. He must believe that no matter how good or bad we are on Earth, that we are forgiven and saved in order to reach the eternal happiness as you have now found in Heaven. For many years you had questions regarding your immortality; never believing in the hereafter. I know that you found your faith before you joined our parents, Johnny and Jayme and other loved ones.
If there was ever a time for Roy to rediscover his faith it is now.
Please gather together our "family in heaven". With all of you sending that miraculous, heavenly grace; perhaps Roy will find a way to grab onto it and feed the unnourished being within himself to get through this troubled time.
While you are at it, would you wonderful people above, send a little extra grace to your sisters and Lasse, that they will find peace in these days ahead. They love Roy so much.
They are dealing with a lot right now….help them to make the right decisions in Roy’s medical care.
I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

There you are in the early light of day
There you are in the quiet words I pray
I've been blessed by the simple happiness
Of the perfect love we'd made

There you are in standing in a crowded room
There you are the earth and I'm the moon
My desire is to stand by the fire
That burns inside of you

Every time I turn around
When I'm lost and when I'm found
Like an angel standing guard
There you are
Every time I take a breath
And when I forget to breathe
You're watching over me
There you are
When I'm looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are

When I'm looking for the light
In the middle of the night
Searching for the brightest star
There you are
There you are
There you are

December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas to My Sweet Angel!

I'm sure that everyone is enjoying the happiness of the holiday. Ian received his "rainy day" giftcard, which I am sure is already secure in your wallet I sent him last year. I also sent him the book on antique cars that you liked so much. I told him that this was just one more thing that you two had in common....love of cars! I don't know when Ian is able to see Gloria and Debbie this year, but I'm sure that Sue and Kari are making it a wonderful Christmas for Ian as usual. Wish I could have made it there for the holidays....but you understand why.

Your sister, Donna,is celebrating her first Christmas as a Grandma. She and Larry must be estatic! I remember the day that you became a "Great Grandpa" and how proud you were for Debbie and Mike that day. Children are so important, especially at Christmas.

I sent your centerpiece to Debbie and Mike last week. I wasn't sure which weekend they would be having "Family Christmas" so I hope I sent it early enough for all to enjoy. This year's arrangement had three white candles imbedded into it. I thought having you, Johnny and Jaymie represented would make it a complete family gathering.

I spent these past two days with Doc thinking about our memories. We both had so much to be grateful for. I tried to get into the holiday mood, but found it a little difficult. My heart wasn't into the "lights and music" this year. Doc and I watched Midnight Mass together. We viewed both... Chicago and Arizona this year. Thought perhaps it would make us feel "closer" to family this year. Well, I can at least say I made the attempt.

Well, I hope that all of you "angels" up there are sharing the spirit of the holiday. I'm sure that you, along with our parents and the kids, are making the most glorious harmony.
Doc and I send you our love on this Christmas Day!

I love you, My Sweet Angel, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

John,
I find it most difficult to write today, this fourth anniversary of your leaving us. My heart feels today, those same feelings that sad, Sunday morning as we spent our last moments together. I can feel you in my arms as I tell you how much I will always love you. You still hold the most precious part of my heart.

You breezed into my life like a soft gentle wind. Laughing and being the life of the party was what most of those who knew you, loved most about you. I knew the real you. The mighty giant, with those loving blue eyes and hands so strong, I knew I would always be safe and that you would be there to protect my simple life. Who would have known that when our paths crossed and our hands touched that deep emotions that would erupt. Our love started small, as a pebble, but grew into one so powerful that not even the strongest of storms could break the bond between us.

God chose to take you away from my life. In one quick, quiet moment you were gone and my world collapsed around me.

Now I spend my days waiting for the time when it's time for me to go and be with you. I know our love was meant to be, and we shall be together forever through all eternity.

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Hi Honey!
I know that I am supposed to only visit this site on "special days" but I have an overwhelming need to "meet with you" today.
You are in my heart and soul, each and every day of my life.....always but a thought away.
It has been a very difficult year.
If you were here I know that you would have been "kicking me in the butt" to keep a positive attitude. Believe me,I have been trying.
Both of our families have kinda gone off on their own now. It's just me and Doc hanging in there together. I'm preparing myself though for the day that Doc will be joining you...then I will truly be all alone once again.
Funny how you were always right about my caring so much about the members of our families. Just like you, I was brought up to believe that family is the most important part of our lives. I always thought that I was responsible to be the strong one...now it seems that I am the weakest one of all. I try to continue to keep the doors open, but feel that one by one I am having them slammed in my face. I realize that everyone has a responsiblity for themselves but I had hoped that their hearts would remain open. I guess I am trying to say that for the first time in my life I truly feel completely alone. It is a sad feeling. I would surely welcome your strength right now.
Coming to this site has always been important to me to let you know how much I love you and miss you. It will always be my little "church to visit" with you. Thank you for allowing me to let out a little of the inward pain today.
Thank you, Honey, for meeting with me today.

April 11, 2009
Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!
Hope you are up there partying your heart out! Thoughts run rapidly throughout my mind today of your lilting laughter, your gorgeous blue eyes and that wonderful heart of yours. It has been a very long day....like so many others. I feel you near me as I wander... the minutes and hours seem to pass so slowly today. I wish I could put my hugging arms around you and give you a great big birthday smooch...here is one virtually...XXX ! It will have to do until we are back together completing one another once again.
I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy New Year, Honey!
Another new beginnng for me...
I wonder what this new year holds in store...
Hopefully it will be a better year than 2008 was...
Another year closer to being with you once again...
I love you, Honey,with all of my heart and soul,now and forever.

December 4,2008

John:

It is just another day on the calendar for those who didn't kow you or love you, but always the most difficult day of the year for me. Three years have now passed, yet it seems like not a single day has gone by. You remain in my heart, my mind and my soul...for you are my never-ending love. Your final words to me, "Always remember how much I love you" echo in my heart. Knowing that my identical words were the last you would hear on this earth hopefully remain with you in heaven.

You are a constant in my daily life. There is always something that reminds me of you. Whether it is looking up to the beautiful, blue sky and remember your gorgeous, blue eyes or simply glancing at your face on the pictures that I have constantly within my sight. I look at your warm, wonderful smile and listen to hear your unforgetable laugh in my mind.

I still share our candid life and the special relationship we always had with those who choose to remain a part of my life. We truly had an amazing story didn't we? ... a love story still unbelievable to many.

Doc and I still talk to you each night as we prepare to go to sleep. You are our prayer before we close our eyes. Our puppy lies beside me and "keeps me warm" and makes it less lonely. He is "taking good care of Mom" as you had told him to. And I am "taking good care of Doc" as you know I would do. We know that you are watching over us and protecting us from above. We both miss you so very much.

We love you, John, with all of our hearts and souls, now and forever.

Sweetheart:
I just want you to know that they say that it gets easier as time goes by but rest assured they are wrong. You will never know just how much I have always loved you and feel you with me constantly. Send me one of your great big bear hugs would you? I could really use one right now.
I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

My Darling:

Happy Father's Day! My Mom should be over to give you a great big hug and kiss shortly......pretend it's me!
I'm sure that you are enjoying yourself with our boys today....take a moment to think of me, would ya?


I'm borrowing Johnny's computer to write to you today since ours is acting up again. Hopefully DJ will be able to get things right for me. So many times I wish Debbie was here to lend a hand when these things happen, but somehow I always make it through....just wish it happened sooner than later. One thing about you,Honey, you never procrastinated when it came to keeping the computer operating correctly.

Always remember,

I love you with all of my heart and soul, My Darling, now and forever.

Sweetheart:

It's been a very long week.....and you were constantly on my mind!
It's so hard to believe that it has been two years now since we spent our last Memorial Day together at Green Lake.

It seems like just yesterday that we were sitting at the picnic table hitting the tennis ball into the lake and watching Doc retrieve it. He is still our little baby even though he is almost 11 years old now. He still goes after the tennis ball in the park as if he were a 2 year old. I'm not pushing him too much 'cause I'm not ready to let him join you just yet. He is my whole life since you have gone on ahead of us. I tell him regularly how much we love him and I know that he understands each and every word I say. You will always be his best buddy and I know that he still remembers all of the wonderful times you two spent together. As Steve would always say, "Big John and his ride-along buddy in the Blazer"....one of our favorite and fondest memories of you.

Yes, today is Memorial Day and I have so many, many memories of the time we shared. I cherish each and every one of them. Memories tucked between the pages of my mind....this is a book that will never be closed.

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Evening, Sweetheart!

Well our little Stephany is all grown up now. She turned 18 today and it's so hard to believe. It seems like just yesterday she was just a little pumkin getting into her mischief at the lake with her friends. Now she is a young woman who truly wants to make all of us proud of her. Watch down on our little one and keep her on the straight and narrow, would you? I still try to be a positive role model, but kids today have different ideas about life than we did. Steph truly loved her Uncle Blue Eyes....after all she does take after her Aunt Donna just a little.

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

April 11, 2008

Happy Birthday, Honey!

I won't sing to you tonight because you know how awful my voice has always been....but that won't stop me from wishing the very best! You are in my thoughts constantly and I continue to tell myself that Alzheimer's disease will never take hold of this mind....for all of my memories are all I have to hold onto.
I see you in the sunrises. I see you in the sunsets. I know that you will remain forever in my heart!

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Honey,

Happy Easter!
I send my love to you as I think of you today. It's true, love never dies!

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart, now and forever.

For My One True Love:

You will always be my description of love
You will always be my description of friend
You will always be my description of everything
You will always be my description of beginning to end.

You had put me on a pedestal
You made me feel ten feet tall
You've always been there for me
You've loved me through it all.

You've stood by me through thick and thin
You've always been patient and kind
Just thought I'd let you know
You'll always be the owner of this heart of mine.

So you ask how long I'll love you
Well this is what I have to say
Past, present, future, always
Forever and a day!

Thank you, John, for being my forever love.

I will love you with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Happy Valentine's Day, Sweetheart!

If you have found a smile that is the sweetest one you've known;
If you have heard, within a voice, the echoes of your own;
If you have felt a touch that stirs the longings of your heart, and still can feel that closeness in the moments you're apart.
If you have filled with wonder at the way two lives can blend
To weave a perfect pattern that is seamless, end to end.
If you believe some things in life are simply meant to be,
Then you have found your soul mate, your hear's own destiny.
You are my soulmate, from the day we met on through forever.
I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Honey:

Higher than the sky above me
Clearer than blue
Brighter than the rays of sunshine
Warmer than what I can feel
More than all the wonders I see
It's the most wonderful thing
Brighter than the living colors of flowers I see
Sweeter than the touch of water
Flowing from the mountain spring
More than all the wonders I see
It's the most wonderful thing
One love...Our love
Marvel at the sight of greenfields
Amazingly seen
Watch the colors of the rainbow
It's a miracle I see
More than all the wonders can be
But there's more than that
One Love...Our love
I love you so
Our love is the beautiful one
Greater than what I can feel
More than what I ever dreamed
You and I were everything
One love...Our love
I love you so

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Happy New Year, Honey!

As I wait for the strike of midnight, I find myself falling back into my memories file.
I will light your candle and bring out our little New Year's bear. I will listen for it's giggle and I will giggle right along with it...I will listen to hear your laugh as the giggling goes on.
Then I will say a special prayer that the new year will bring open hearts and minds back into my life.
I will send you a New Year's kiss
knowing that you will feel it way up there in Heaven.
Always remember just how much I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

PS Happy Birthday, Johnny!

Merry Christmas, John!

Twinkling lights and stars shining bright...these are my wishes for you tonight.

Thinking of you
Makes the miles disappear,
Together we're looking at bright decorations,
Enjoying what we like to do,
Thinking of you makes the miles disappear~
For you're missed so very much
All the year through…

So just because you're
Far away, don't think
For a moment that you're forgotten.
I'm thinking about you because loving thoughts travel far,
And wishing you a very Merry Christmas full of wonderful things.
I wish we could be together


The beauty of this day is shared by those that we love...I know you can feel all of this from above.

I sit here in silence and remember
our days...filled with happiness in so many ways.

God Jul and (Och) Ett Gott Nytt År

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

To My Darling Blue Eyes:

I miss your warm eyes,
the way you would listen and care
I miss your kisses,
and all that we would share
I miss the touch of your hand,
so reassuring and sincere
And the moments we spent together
that I still hold dear
I miss all of the wonderful, caring things you would do
and spending our evenings,
just me and you
I look forward to each tomorrow
knowing that then
I'll be one day closer
to seeing you again
You must know it by now.....
I Miss You

Another year has passed and I still cannot believe that you're gone. Each and every day as I awaken my first thought being of you. I know in my heart that are our love grows deeper and richer as each sun rises. I feel your presence all of the day through and I carry your spirit inside of me long after the sun sets.

I love you, My Darling Blue Eyes, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Sweetheart:

I was lost, lost and all alone
With an empty heart and soul
Then you became my home
My life was filled with every wrong
An endless night so long
Then you became my dawn
My world was caught in a raging storm
My sails were ripped and torn
Then you became my calm
Like a bird with broken wings I cried
With nowhere left to fly
Then you became my sky
In you I found the power to be strong
In you I found a reason to belong
In you I found how great a love can be
In you, I found me
And now I'll never fear the past
I know how long we'll last
We are forever

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Honey:

Well, three years ago today we reached what we thought would be our happily-ever-after. I have been thinking about each hour of our journey and how the warmth would become a part of our everydays. I remember your patience especially during the never-ending Texas stretch of our journey and how you kept me "up" during this flat, long time period. I remember your exuberance while we were driving down the 17 as we experienced our newfound beauty....mountains, forestry, snow becoming bright and sunny and warm as we were heading down to the valley from the high country. I feel bad as I recall our final destination being so near, yet it was the first time that we actually got off course of the perfect directions we had mapped out all of the way here. Yet, this error was the way we got to see a little bit more of Scottdale than just the hospitals and doctors' offices.

I remember your face as we drove up the driveway to our new home. The happiness beamed from your face. I knew that you were proud of the choice we had made. I chuckle to myself as I think of your first sighting of the yard and how you immediately started making your plans to make it special. I find peace in knowing that although our life everlasting wasn't as long as we had hoped it would be; I am grateful that you were able to enjoy all of the beautiful surroundings we were able to share. It had taken us a long time to get to this point and faced many hardships along the way but in the end, I rest assured that you found the inner peace and love you had been looking for for so very long.

Our home seems empty now as I look around at all of the beauty you brought into our lives. Our daily visit with one another is spiritual. We walk together through the yard and chat about the gorgeous Palms and the rose bushes. We sit in our two-seater and witness the sun setting, what a glorious sight. Doc catches his ball and still shows some his youth; amazing has always described his playful attitude. We both feel you with us...and we always will. We cherish the love you shared with us and how much you showed you cared.

I love the way you looked at me,
Your eyes so bright and blue.
I love the way you kissed me,
Your lips so soft and true.

I love the way you made me so happy,
And the ways you showed you care.
I love the way you always said, "I Love You,"
And that you would always be there.

I love the way you touched me,
Always sending chills up and down my spine.
I love that you are still within me,
And grateful that you will always be mine.

Our love is everlasting, happily-ever-after!


I love you, Honey, with all of my heart, now and forever.

John:

A stranger you were once.
Then, with a gentle look you took my hand.
As our lives engaged,
you lit my life and I held both your hands.
Now that decades have passed,
ours souls have indeed become one.
How fortunate we are
that we have found the love so true
that everyone dreams about...

Our love is a dream that will never end for me.

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul,now and forever.

Sweetheart:
My heart is heavy tonight.
I just wanted to tell you how
much I love you.
I love you, Sweetheart, with all
of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Honey:

If I were running from myself,
I think I'd hide me safely away
in memories and fantasies
of some lone yesterday.

I think I'd walk forgotten paths,
seek shelter in imagined reins,
disguise myself as someone else
who doesn't feel the pain.

Perhaps I'd find my Shangri-la,
a place to set my spirit free,
a hidden nook where noone looks
and hence would never find me.

If I were running from myself,
I think I'd hide me safe away
behind the tears, inside the fears
of some lone yesterday.

If I were running from myself,
I would be found running straight for you.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

John:

I miss you more than words can ever say
I think of you each and every day
I love you my soulmate,yes, my friend
I loved you until the very end

The more I think, the more I weep
I’m grateful that I have our memories to keep
I know we'll meet again soon enough
But why is this waiting so unbelievably rough

Every time I see a bright blue sky
I often get tears in my eyes
But when I look in my photos, although a small pile
I look at you and I always smile

All of my memories I hold in my heart
There’s no need to miss you…we're not really apart

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever

John:

Can you hear me?
Can you hear my cries?
Now that you're gone,
From all of our lives.

I can't see you,
But I can feel you're near,
I can hear your voice,
A whisper in my ear.

I know you're inside me,
In my heart and my soul,
Still I find myself crying,
It's beyond my control.

Promise me that you'll stay,
Close by my side,
Promise me that you won't go,
Remain with me through life, be my guide.

Watch me and protect me,
Help me good times and bad,
Share in my joy,
Or comfort me when I'm sad

Keep me from harm,
Stay with me forever,
Love and care for me,
And leave my side never,

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Good Evening ,Sweetheart!

I had a warm and wonderful call from your sister Donna tonight. She and Amanda have returned from their trip to Stockholm and Copenhagen. She gave me an update of her visit with your relatives back in the old country. It was amazing hearing about all of the kind and warm members of your dad's family. Donna and Amanda were made to feel so welcome. They met many many family members and found that there just wasn't enough time to do all that they had hoped to do. I'm sure there will be a lot of emails, letters and cards floating around the world in the future. Donna wants to go back with Larry so she can continue this visit forward. She was pleasantly surprised at just how many of the family members were able to share the short time the girls were there. At one point of the trip Donna said that one of your cousins was standing at the window waving as they approached the house. It reminded your sister of your dad and how he would stand at the window waving. Isn't it amazing that after so many years of not communicating it was like old home week for your sister Isn't it great to hear some positive coming out of this journey?! I'm happy for Donna and Amanda....I've got a bit of a feeling that you were traveling with them...keeping them safe.

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Sweetheart:

Someone once said that time heals all wounds and in time, maybe in time, the wound left by your leaving will heal. Yes, maybe in time!
But nothing, not even the time of all eternity, can erase the memory of the happiness and beauty of being a part of your life!
Just knowing that the spirit of your love, that lives within my heart, will keep strength within me forever.

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Honey:

I felt your hug last night! You can finally understand how much your hugs meant to me!
I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever!

To My Heavenly Angel:

Heavenly creature look down upon me and continue to radiate your warmth; as I continue to strive to accept what has been placed in my life's design.

Wonderous creature, send me the grace necessary to accept these new challenges presented to me on a daily basis.

Amazing creature, far above, keep me in your soulful memory; the miraculous love that we dared to share.

Loving creature, your spirit lives within me; your kindness, your strength, your character, your faith, your existence dwells within my heart.

Memorial Days will never be the same for me.

I love you, My Heavenly Agnel, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart
My heart is with you today like every other day...no, more than every other day. Sixty two years ago today your mom and dad welcomed to this Earth a miracle; a miracle that no one knew then what would become the one, true miracle of my life.
From your first breath you brought joy to the many so fortunate to have had you a part of their lives. Your blue eyes and tall stature, your sense of humor and love of people, your cynical smile and your overwhelming love of life, your pride and understanding are just a few of the qualities that will always be remembered.
You were as strong as an ox most of your life and as powerful as a lion throughout all of your years.
You were as fierce as a grizzly bear yet as loving as a bear cub to those who knew you best.
You had a barreling, deep voice, yet there was always kindness and gentlness and knowledge in your words. It was amazing how your personality penetrated each of our auras.
Yes, a miracle began sixty-two years ago today and I want you to take your mom and dad into your spiritual arms, embrace them and thank them for bringing their miracle into my life. I'm sure all three of you know just how grateful I am that this miracle took place.
You are my heart, my soul, my spirit and my Viking!
You always were and always will be my love, my life.
I love you with all of my heart and soul, Sweetheart, now and forever.

Honey:

It's Sunday and another week has rolled past me. It was a long week this week; longer than most.
I send happy thoughts to you tonight...
I decided to be a fisherman for Halloween. I thought it would be fun to dress in your old fishing shirt and a hat with a bunch of your old tackle hitched onto it.
Maybe we never got out there with poles in hand, but we did have ideas of doing it together once upon a time. I figure this will be a way to have you close to me.
I will feel safe and secure wrapped snuggly in your shirt. I
will bring smiles with my danglers to the fishermen in the office and still be comfortable enough to sit at my desk and work all day. I will try to feel the peace you always told me about when sitting out upon Green Lake, casting your line and bringing in THE BIG ONE! I can see your face lighting up with your beautiful smile.....keep smiling for me from up there.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

Doc says, Bark Bark Bark , Me Too PaPa!

Sweetheart:

Another week has passed and I took each day, one day at a time. Each day had a moment of "happy" as I would think about you.

I am another year older now. I'll always be the youngest old person in the world...or so I say.
But think about it....who in their right mind plays softball at my age and can still hit the ball? Maybe I don't make it quite to the first base with these old legs of mine, but at least I try.

You must all be getting the biggest charge out of the craziness I pull on the bleachers when I'm not actually active in the game. Gotta have some fun, so why not spread it!

I was pleasantly surprised on Friday night when I got home from the office. There was a package at the front door. It was a basket that contained two beautiful, yellow, mini rose bushes. Your little girl didn't forget my birthday...but I'm still trying to figure out how she knew. After all, we never celebrated my birthday in all of these years, but somehow Deb knew.
It made my entire week...
Deb and Mike must have been "supporting the Chicago Bears" when I tried to call them today. I left a message of thanks and hopefully I will be able to talk personally to Deb and Mike soon. I miss being family so much...it just isn't the same since you are not here with me. I hope that things work out between all of us, for I want to continue the warm, wonderful relationships that were begun between us and particulary, the kids. Keep your eyes on us....Keep my shoulders strong....Keep that love light burning in my heart.

I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Honey:

I know that the visits here are not as often as before. It's not that I don't want to come here and talk with you a often, or tell you just how much I miss you and love you. Since I started counselling, they think that I need to get more control of my emotions. I need to stand up for myself more. I need to learn how to live a life on my own. Gee, I think you always said those words to me and somehow I just didn't listen. I'm sorry that I didn't listen sooner to you, that I would have opened up more back in our days together. Maybe that way I could have brought even more joy into your life. I'm doing the best that I can, but no one can ever change the innermost feelings I hold. No one can ever take away the love we shared. No one can ever make me feel that mistakes were made by you and me....not where you and I were concerned. Yes, maybe I didn't set boundaries that I should have been set. But I firmly believe that all of the caring and sharing I have always tried to demonstrate were truly from my heart. The first step in the counselling was to not depend on going into your legacy everyday. It seemed that my messages to you were being rejected because my sadness was coming out a little too much, I guess. This was making me even sadder. You know that although I don't enter this book and write my thoughts, sharing my love with you as often as I normally would, we speak to one another in our own way so many times each day.

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

Mom:

Please keep kindness in my heart...for you were the epitome
of the word.

I love you, Mom, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

XXX

Honey:

Try as they may, they may never define;
what has been said between your heart and mine.
The glow in your eyes, it let me know that you needed me.
That simple smile that would appear on your face, from my memory it will never leave thee.

Your voice may only be found on the phone's answering machine now
(As I dare not to answer)
For I find it difficult to converse with others now somehow.

I miss you more than you would ever imagine!

I love you, Honey, with all of my heart and soul.

To My Love and Best Buddy:


HAPPY BUDDIES DAY!!!

Happiness kept You Sweet,
Trials kept You Strong,
Sorrows kept You Human,
Failures kept You Humble,
Success kept You Glowing,
But Only God kept You Going!
You are still so special!

Since you were able to meet the criterior in your own, inimidable way, I will attempt to follow your example and

Be Happy My Sweet, as happy as I can make myself be,
Remain as Trial-free as possible, so you will see me as Strong,
Contain my Sorrow because I am Human,
Accept my Failures, so that I stay Humble,
Attain Success...in my acceptance of losing you..for it keeps You Glowing within me,
For Only God, and knowing that I will find you for a third time in heaven, keeps Me Going!

I love you, My Love and My Best Buddy, with all of my heart and soul, forever and ever.

John:

As I look to the sky....I see your eyes.
As I visit with childen....I hear your laugh.
As I sleep, I dream....I feel your love.

You were, and still are, my everything.

I love you, John, with all of my heart and soul, now and forever.

My Sweet Gardener:



Today is the last day of monsoon and it couldn't have come soon enough.



I look forward to our autumn days ahead. I will watch the flowers awaken once again and take in the life that they will begin to show.



I will take each day and try to begin to blossom once again. May all of the seeds you planted within me take hold. All of the brilliance and love will flourish due to your loving nuturing.



I will stand erect...

I may never be 6'5 and 11/12" like you...

But I will reach to the sky so that I can put my arms around you and tell you how much I still care.



I love you, My Sweet Gardener, with all of my heart, now and forever.

Sweetheart,



When I fall in love, it will be forever.....

So true the words......

From day one, you were the only one....

And you will be that special someone forever and ever....



I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart and soul.

My Friend,



The art of losing isn't hard to master;

so many things seem filled with the intent to be lost that their loss is no disaster.



Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture I love) I shall not have lied. It's evident the art of losing is not too hard to master

though it may look like disaster.



No one will ever know the loss I feel for losing you.....



I love you, My Friend, with all of my heart.

John:



You were the face I cannot forget

You were the treasure I cannot neglect

You were the beauty of the beach

You were the changes in my forever that I will never reach

You were the smile reflected in a stream

You were the spirit that visits me in my dream

You were the happiness in a crowd

You were the one I call for out loud

You were the purpose I survived all of these years

You were the reason for my tears

You were the forever in my strife

You were the meaning of my life



I love you, John, with all of my heart, now and forever.

For You , My Love:



My love is ever you, My Love

Now and forever, you, My Love

You walked into my lonely world, My Love

Peace of mind, your smile inferred, My Love

Yes, because of you, My Love

My wishful dreams came true, My Love

In my uncertain life, My Love

I am only certain of how much I love you, My Love.



I love you, My Love, with all of my heart, now and forever.

Sweetheart:





I'd never seen this side of you before, til now


I've never knew that you could feel this way before, til now


After all the time we spent together


Just doesn't seem fair at all


No fair at all, no fair at all


I never saw the moonlight in your hair, til now


I never heard the sweet things you could say, til now


After all the time we spent together


It just doesn't seem fair.





I love you, Sweetheart, with all of my heart, forever and ever.

Hi Honey!





Another work week has ended and it sure was a busy one for me. I learned more this week than any other week in years. Maybe I will understand the financial side of it all after all. The challenge has been amazing and I'm surprised that I am doing as well as I am at this new position. I hope that I'm keeping them all happy....you know how hard I've always tried to do this very thing.





You know that saying, every day that I learn something new, will give me another day to live. I guess maybe it will be a while befoe we get to see each other again. :)





I love you, Honey, with all of my heart, forever and ever.

John:



Today was like a beautiful fall day in the midwest.....cool breezes, a slight darkness to the sky and the bright colors toned down a bit. It made me homesick...and when the rains began it was like the days when we sat on the deck and enjoyed those little drops hitting our noses telling us it was almost time to leave the deck and go inside. We would cuddle in the sounds of the storm and I still can feel the love we shared.

I will never be sad on a rainy day...for those were some of our favorite days.



I love you, John, with all of my heart.

Honey:



I know I seem selfish wanting you here with me all the time, but I truly believe that this is the first time in my life that I am being this way. I miss you so much. I want you to be around me, telling me what to do and sometimes even, what to think. I have to accept the fact that you are pretty busy these days making up for the time and doing things that you felt unfinished. Someone told me you probably had a child's Christmas list worth of events and actions that you couldn't take part in and do because of your illnesses. I hope that each and every one of your wishes on that list come to fruition for you.

I know that Johnny is right along side of you these days and that you are happy to be with him. I can see both of your beautiful smiles...mostly smiling at one another. Would you do me one little favor while your checking off the items on your list....smile down at me once in a while.



I love you, Honey, with all of my heart.